Originally Posted by DoveInTheMud
That is certainly something I have come to realize - that I am co-depedendent and afraid of being alone.
I'm still determined to give him another chance (I believe in that marriage should be for life and I've always felt that the most important thing was for the heart to be in the right place), but this time, I'll work hard at being more assertive, not letting excuses come into the way of why he hasn't done this or that yet, and not taking it on my own shoulders when things go wrong because of his actions.
My fear is still that the timeframe between the instances have been 1-3 years... I don't want to wait that long to know if this time changes will be for real, but I also don't want to give up when for the first time he is agreeing to changes and started implementing them more than previously.
I've never been good at 'staying' angry, always wanting to play nice, always going the right thing, accommodating others... I am certainly not perfect and have done hurtful things myself, but divorce still scares the heck out of me, especially if there is still even only a glimmer of hope.
Here is even more tough love. Actions speak louder than words...always remember that. Your husband saying he loves you and acting like he loves you are very two different things. Does he show he loves you by being monogamous and faithful? Please answer that honestly and see what you come up with. Then ask him the same question.
Further, I always say that people either do or don't do some action because it involves consequences. For example, I don't drive into on-coming traffic because it is counterproductive. Your husband cheats because you let him and you never have drawn a line in the sand with him. He crosses the line, you leave, no more debate. He treats you like a dishrag and and you keep taking it. Why should he change? He lacks respect for you and you, lack respect for yourself.
Draw a line, tell him what you demand, and explain to him the DIRE consequences of crossing that line.