Originally Posted by lordmayhem
Yes, she must stop all contact with these TOXIC friends. These toxic friends are not friends of the marriage, and they are enabling her affair by encouraging the affair and not discouraging it, and may also be facilitating it by providing alibis for her or even providing a place for them to meet. Frankly, I'd be upset seeing your WWs choice of friends. She probably has friends that would not encourage affairs, she just drifted away from them in favor of the ones that do enable her. Unfortunately she must go NC with them too. This must become one of your boundaries too.
If she accuses you of being controlling, then remind her who is endangering/destroying the marriage. Tell her either to choose them and the OM, or you. If she chooses her friends over you, then you have your answer. She is not worth having as a wife if she wants to associate with toxic friends who enable and facilitate affairs, instead of being married to you.
Very true. You really only get one good shot at this. No point in "compromising". Your relationship has already been compromised. Time to define what is all the way right for you
. She changed the rules without consulting you. She actively enabled all of the this every step of the way. Even put in the hard work to get in shape for it all. A comscious effort at some point for sure. So don't settle for anything less than what you need in the marriage.