Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Living your life based on someone else making you happy or not
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post #8 of (permalink) Old 06-21-2011, 01:54 PM
MGirl's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: US
Posts: 386
Re: Living your life based on someone else making you happy or not

Ouch. Painful subject for me right now.

I've gotten stuck in the mentality of...

-If he does ______, then I will be happy.
-If he doesn't, then I will not be happy.

I've allowed my own personal happiness to be determined by my husband's actions. Not good.

The biggest problem occurs when I get so focused on him and refuse to work on myself. Someone always has to be the one to make the first move and I *want* it to be him so badly that I'll stubbornly stand still, waiting for him. I agree completely with the fear theory. I'm afraid that I will change and he won't. Can I be okay with that? Does he really need to change or is it just projecting myself onto him? Maybe I just want him to change so I don't have to.

Obviously this is something I'm really struggling with right now. Allowing someone else to determine my own happiness is not healthy and I rationally know it. It's still in my head, though, and I honestly don't know how to get it out of my system.

My biggest fear? That I will never be happy in my marriage.
The problem? I've handed the responsibility for my happiness to my husband. Meaning I've given up control of something that should be my responsibility in the first place. With that loss of control comes fear. Fear that he won't be able to give me happiness. Sounds pretty silly, huh? If I can figure out how to mentally wrap my mind around and start living the fact that this is *MY* responsibility, it'll probably be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
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