I have had a very troubled marriage. I have been advised to leave many times. Instead I got my DH to therapy. He's going to individual counseling and so am I... we are also seeing a couples therapist.
So far - I have been stunned. I just want someone to tell me their reaction to this. Last night, the entire session my 38 year old husband cried about remembering an incident in kindergarden when he wet his pants in class. He sobbed - saying he could smell the urine as if he were still there. He said it was an incident he hadn't recalled in years and years - but it brings him to tears. When I asked "why" this was so disturbing to him - the therapist jumped in and said that "why" questions are controling and judgemental and I wasn't allowed to cross that "boundary". So I had to repeat what he was saying to me. "you are telling me that it's very disturbing to you that you wet your pants in kindergarden" You are saying this makes you feel vulerable. You are saying that you don't understand how this effects you so deeply - but it does.
He ended the session by saying he was so happy to let me see this vulnerable side to him - as he cried over this incident of wetting his pants in kindergarden. Seriously, I may be heartless - but I felt NO empathy for him. I felt pity. I felt like I was on candid camera. At one point I had to fake cough because I felt it was absolutely so ridiculous. I have been through so many tough times in my life and childhood. To sit around (at 150 an hour) and cry about wetting my pants in kindergarden sounds insane to me.
Am I wrong? Should I be more compassionate? I just don't feel anything but shock and the REAL NEED to run from this marriage. I feel like my husband is emotionally a
child.
