Re: Please help me see the light...
In my opinion, I think this is a really crappy time to be making such a big decision. Not only are you dealing with relocating, but also marital issues. Kids are involved. If I were you, I would stay put (if financially possible) and work out the issues in your marriage before you make such big changes in your family dynamic. Your sons and your wife will appreciate that. Maybe if she sees you working so hard to make you happy, she will be more understanding to you building more of a "me" life where you are now. Let her know that you need time with your friends to keep you happy as well. Fathers these days are doing a hell of a lot more around the house than our fathers did back in the day. Kudos to you for following that trend.
Does your wife have a "me" life. Does she have hobbies that get her out of the house? If not, maybe that is why she does not want you to have a "me" life. My wife gives me hell, too. We both feel like we need a life outside of the kids but it isn't always easy for women to get that a man needs time away from them. I've heard this same song and dance from all my friends about their wives. Try to help her find things to do away from the kids and I bet she'll be more understanding of you doing the same.
Was it a mutual decision for her to stay home with your kids? My wife stays home with my daughter and I think she is a hell of a lot better off being raised by her mom during the day instead of being in a daycare. But if staying where you are now is so important to her, maybe going back to work would be a good solution. If anything, it could buy you guys some time to work on marital issues before you make any life altering decisions.
Counseling. That would be my first move. You said she's hot and she's a good mother - but surely there is more to her than just that. You married her for a reason. Its easy to forget about what life was before kids. I only have one, but I know that getting my wife out to have a little "us" time is darn near impossible. But you gotta do it or you will completely lose track of you two. Sounds cheesy, but give her hugs, surprise her with a night out. Do something to help turn the focus to you two instead of on your kids.
I just joined this forum for advice on my own issues in my life so I figured it was the least I could do to try to offer a little of my own advice. Hope it helps. Cheers.