Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Nervous. Going to try to communicate with H

LucyInSC · 01-24-2009, 12:51 PM

If you have read my threads, you know the main problem in my marriage is trust and communication. Short background - Whenever I try to talk with my H about something he wants to avoid, he threatens to leave me. Last November he went for his bags three times. It was after I tried to talk with him about secret cell phone calls and his online activity. After pleading and crying for him to stay each time, he is still here. The calls stopped on his cell. Haven't seen anymore contact with women online.

I told him that the next time he threatens to leave me I won't try to stop him. He just said "you know I will leave".

Since November I have tried to change everything in my power that he might be unhappy about. I have lost weight and tried to look better. I listen sympathetically to his problems at work. I don't mention anything about his daughter living with us and not paying rent. I have turned the heat up in the bedroom.

He has changed towards me. He is less distant. I can tell that he is happy.

I am unable to be truly happy if I can't talk with my husband out of fear. I can't learn to trust him if he won't open up to me and be honest. He puts a wall up. His father was an abusive alcoholic who beat him on a regular basis growing up. He just won't talk about feelings. He just wants to run away instead. I know our marriage won't survive this way. There will always be things we disagree on and problems to solve. I can't move forward with this hanging over me. I know that he thinks it's not an issue anymore since things are going so great now. But I have to try again to talk. God only knows what his reaction will be. We should have some time alone tonight or tomorrow. I am not going to be angry or accusatory. I just want him to know how I feel. That I need to know what he was doing in order to feel secure again. That he does not have to be afraid to talk with me. That I am committed to him no matter what. I will really need your support if this goes badly.

01-24-2009, 12:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
LucyInSC Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: South Carolina Posts: 71	Nervous. Going to try to communicate with H If you have read my threads, you know the main problem in my marriage is trust and communication. Short background - Whenever I try to talk with my H about something he wants to avoid, he threatens to leave me. Last November he went for his bags three times. It was after I tried to talk with him about secret cell phone calls and his online activity. After pleading and crying for him to stay each time, he is still here. The calls stopped on his cell. Haven't seen anymore contact with women online. I told him that the next time he threatens to leave me I won't try to stop him. He just said "you know I will leave". Since November I have tried to change everything in my power that he might be unhappy about. I have lost weight and tried to look better. I listen sympathetically to his problems at work. I don't mention anything about his daughter living with us and not paying rent. I have turned the heat up in the bedroom. He has changed towards me. He is less distant. I can tell that he is happy. I am unable to be truly happy if I can't talk with my husband out of fear. I can't learn to trust him if he won't open up to me and be honest. He puts a wall up. His father was an abusive alcoholic who beat him on a regular basis growing up. He just won't talk about feelings. He just wants to run away instead. I know our marriage won't survive this way. There will always be things we disagree on and problems to solve. I can't move forward with this hanging over me. I know that he thinks it's not an issue anymore since things are going so great now. But I have to try again to talk. God only knows what his reaction will be. We should have some time alone tonight or tomorrow. I am not going to be angry or accusatory. I just want him to know how I feel. That I need to know what he was doing in order to feel secure again. That he does not have to be afraid to talk with me. That I am committed to him no matter what. I will really need your support if this goes badly.