827Aug

When teenagers are 16, most of the "raising" is already over. Hopefully by this time they know how they should behave--all the groundwork should have been established years before. It's only natural they want some autonomy at this stage in their life. Unfortunately the divorce has forced my teenagers to grow up much too quickly.

I consulted with my therapist a lot about autonomy for my then 16 year old daughters. I basically set boundaries, and as long as they respected those, everything is great. My daughters know what those boundaries are--they are clearly defined. For example, both daughters know they must be home by 7:30 every week day evening. If something comes up, they must call me and discuss it. In exchange I don't interrogate them about where they go, who they were with, etc. I don't accuse them of anything or make negative comments. They are at the point in their lives where they need to learn how to make decisions. And I want them to know that my love is unconditional and I'm always there for them. Perhaps something similar can be worked out between you and your wife. Actually agree to some boundaries and allow your children some autonomy within those boundaries. Just doing that will alleviate so much stress and friction in your household. It did in mine.