Originally Posted by jai_mann
You see, this is my problem. It is not faithful of her to have a male stripper rubbing his genitalia on her, or for her to come home horny, waking me up.
Faithfulness is more than simply physical contact. It involves psychological aspects as well.
Is there some reason why you fail to address the facts that she lied through her teeth to me regarding this incident, and that she went to this incident knowing full well that I did not approve?
This notion of people being able to go see strippers is not some thing that every one agrees upon as a matter of values. Clearly, your values differ from mine. This issue at hand here is not what you think is okay, but what I think is okay, as I am her husband and your standards are not my standards.
Don't treat me as if I'm naive about those parties either. I find your tone condescending and non-productive.
Respectfully, you are the problem.
Who knows why she decided to attend, loyalty to a friend, curiousity, wanted a night on the town, something missing sexually between the two of you and she wanted to take in the show. Any of these things or more. But, the only pertinent fact is that she did attend and she clearly wanted to attend. As for faithfulness, the fact that something or someone other than you turned her on is not infidelity. Do you really want control over what she thinks, or at least have the right to approve or disapprove of her thoughts? Look at it like this, she could have picked up a guy at the club or gotten down with the stripper, but she didn't. She came home and wanted to get on with you!
But, you made it clear that you stayed home and stewed about her going the entire time. What type of life is that for your wife? I'm not talking about values either, I'm just talking about the freedom of thought and expression.
As for her lying about it or being less than forthcoming I can think of a couple reasons. One, that might be her nature where she's just not comfortable talking (with you) about things that interest her that she fears won't interest you. Two, along a similar line, judging (albeit its a very short sample) by what you've written she might be afraid of being open with you for fear of either your rejection or your rebuke.
Lastly, and please take this with all due respect, but you sound like a pompous academic that is so convinced by his own thoughts and beliefs that he can't seem to find any level of acceptance for anyone else's, including his wife's. What person comes to an advice forum, asks for help, and then arrogantly rejects a stranger's advice because "I find your tone condescending and non-productive"? Again, respectfully, you seem to be here for no other reason than to have your anger, mistrust, and reasoning validated by others rather than seriously looking for a way to help or improve your relationship with your wife.
Go back and re-read your first two post and analyze yourself. To me, you sound extremely rigid, close-minded, and controlling. Your wife is probably the least of your problems in your relationship. Just my two cents.