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Originally Posted by piqued  Respectfully, you are the problem. |
I do not agree.
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Originally Posted by piqued Who knows why she decided to attend, loyalty to a friend, curiousity, wanted a night on the town, something missing sexually between the two of you and she wanted to take in the show. Any of these things or more. But, the only pertinent fact is that she did attend and she clearly wanted to attend. |
This is obvious. I already stated as much to her. IMHO she wanted to see a muscle bound model dancing around naked. This is by definition infidelity. Look up the definition. It is unfaithfulness and disloyalty to me, some one she pledged herself to not 2 months ago.
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Originally Posted by piqued As for faithfulness, the fact that something or someone other than you turned her on is not infidelity. |
Yes it is infidelity. Becoming sexually, physiologically aroused by others is a lack of faithfulness. Please read the dictionary definitions for these words as you are mistaken.
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Originally Posted by piqued Do you really want control over what she thinks, or at least have the right to approve or disapprove of her thoughts? |
Apparently there is this problem with some people on this forum who perceive boundaries as those with the boundaries wanting to control others. If some one steps close to your face speaking to you are you controlling for wanting them to give you space? If two people pledge faithfulness to one another is it controlling to desire an adherence of that pledge of faithfulness? The thing is, if she honestly wants to hold the values that she claimed (and she wasn't just saying so to make herself not sound like a hypocrite) then that's fine. We split up and I go on my way. What precisely is it that makes you think that I desire to control what she thinks? She made an oath, I would appreciate it if she held to it. If you contract some one to do some construction for you, would you be controlling if you requested that they adhere to the contract?
What's so complicated about this?
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Originally Posted by piqued Look at it like this, she could have picked up a guy at the club or gotten down with the stripper, but she didn't. She came home and wanted to get on with you! |
No. You see, I'm not desperate, nor do I seek sloppy seconds, or to be the guy she comes home to bang. I understand that the average male apparently will take what ever they can get, but I'm not interested in what ever I can get. I want a functional, honest relationship; something in small supply these days, as demonstrated in numerous posts thus far.
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Originally Posted by piqued But, you made it clear that you stayed home and stewed about her going the entire time. What type of life is that for your wife? I'm not talking about values either, I'm just talking about the freedom of thought and expression. |
What's the problem? She wasn't physically present to observe my disgust with her decision. I fail to see your point. Can you expand upon what you mean by freedom of thought and expression and how my ire with her behavior, a married woman, are at odds?
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Originally Posted by piqued As for her lying about it or being less than forthcoming I can think of a couple reasons. One, that might be her nature where she's just not comfortable talking (with you) about things that interest her that she fears won't interest you. Two, along a similar line, judging (albeit its a very short sample) by what you've written she might be afraid of being open with you for fear of either your rejection or your rebuke. |
The motivations for her lying aren't a mystery. She didn't want me knowing what she did because she knew I would not approve of some stranger rubbing his genitals across her. My concern with the lying is that it is at odds with faithfulness and loyalty, which is what we pledged ourselves to in marriage.
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Originally Posted by piqued Lastly, and please take this with all due respect, but you sound like a pompous academic that is so convinced by his own thoughts and beliefs that he can't seem to find any level of acceptance for anyone else's, including his wife's. |
In what way do ad hominem attacks upon my character provide productive feedback? I'm not interested in your loose values or the loose values of any one else on here. In fact, I didn't expect so many with loose values on here and perhaps I should have requested that those with loose values keep them to themselves as I am not seeking feedback from such. Now in retort, how can I accept the thoughts or beliefs from her,
if she does not share them until after she has done something I disapprove of? When I express an attitude on something to her, then it's her turn to express her attitude, especially if it differs. If she is not willing to be open about her attitudes with me, especially when they differ, then that sets up both parties for problems.
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Originally Posted by piqued What person comes to an advice forum, asks for help, and then arrogantly rejects a stranger's advice because "I find your tone condescending and non-productive"? |
Look at what I posted. I did not ask for help. I asked for feed back. So I'm getting feedback, and I'm rejecting some of it. What's the problem? Didn't you just earlier state that I should be open to freedom of expression? Maybe you should be open to my freedom of expression and not attack me simply because I disagree with what others have said, and in a condescending manner at that (ie: any commandments you hand down from the mount won't help, either).
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Originally Posted by piqued Again, respectfully, you seem to be here for no other reason than to have your anger, mistrust, and reasoning validated by others rather than seriously looking for a way to help or improve your relationship with your wife. |
I was actually interested in getting feedback from people on here as I thought their values might be similar. From what I've read searching through other threads, there are absolutely others who share my attitude on this topic, but that have not posted here. Rather than having some one regurgitate my own viewpoints, I was hoping, that those who share similar values, would chime in with their own feedback on the issue. There's plenty of others with the same values who have gone through such experiences and that's who I thought I would hear from. But it appears that there's far more with loose values on here. Can I help it if your values are not the same as mine? No.
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Originally Posted by piqued Go back and re-read your first two post and analyze yourself. To me, you sound extremely rigid, close-minded, and controlling. Your wife is probably the least of your problems in your relationship. Just my two cents. |
Maybe you're right. Maybe I should encourage my wife to go out on girls night out, get intoxicated, dress to kill, potentially have the occasional stripper rub his meat against her, and giddily wait for her to return home, all ready for action. Thanks for recommending that reread my posts. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking when those gems were presented to me.
