fire_vogel

update.

i'm still living in the shared house... but things are much more quiet now and no particular reason to move out...
however, last week, his mother sent him a text message to let him know that his father has agreed to move to the UK so they are most probably coming by the end of next month, as per what she said. so that's the end of Feb. he's totally elated. and of course, he said that the best thing to do is for them to stay in the same house (there's one free room) as us. i was damn honest and straightforward and told him how that made me feel, basically unhappy and i know that a situation like that will just do my head in. of course he didn't appreciate what i said, and he went like, well at the start he'll get them to stay with us and eventually they can move out when they've found another room. YEAH RIGHT, like it's really going to happen like that once they settle down comfortably in this house.

i had to hear him throw all kinds of mean stuff at my face just because i was honest enough to tell him that living in the same house as his parents would make me unhappy. he accused me of being stone hearted, cold and unrelenting. he said that i'm heartless and have no feelings for his parents and that a woman simply can't understand the sentiments of a son towards his parents... that he feels the need to care for them and i don't have the right to stop him from doing that.
so i told him that i'm not stopping him from doing it... but if he could just care about my feelings too while at it. but it didn't make any damn difference.
so for a whole week now, since we got the news, it's just been constant fights, nagging, criticism and each one being on the defensive. on top of that i had an intensive week of training at work, so i eased up a bit on the cooking and cleaning. and THAT was thrown at my face too... like i'm the only one who's supposed to do all of the stuff around here. it's like he's taking revenge out on me for the fact that i dislike his parents and don't want them living in the same house.
to be honest, i hate doing household chores most of the time... i hate cooking... i just find it too time consuming and i do the cleaning up and laundry just because i have to and for hygiene, that's it.
yesterday i came back from work a bit late... so i was relaxing a bit... and at some point he went like, 'aren't you gonna give me any food today?' and in my mind i was like wtf? it hardly sounded like an adult... for a moment i felt like i had a kid on my arms. so then i had to tell him that food was ready all he had to do was to heat it up. it that was too much asking.
and now when his parents move in, i'm gonna have to do the cooking and cleaning for all of us when i didn't even ask for this. how fair does that sound? maybe those of you who like their in laws will find this incredible... that i'm being selfish. but i've endured enough crap from his family. i'm not about to sacrifice my happiness and mental sanity for people like them.

i might sound cruel... and kinda *****y. and the sort of person who doesn't like responsibilities. and maybe the latter is true. but it's just that i'm quite young... and i'm in a marriage that i wasn't ready to have but did anyway because we've been together for almost 4 years and i felt it was right to do it with him... even if i didn't feel it was the right time. and now he's just constantly asking from me, and because i'm not giving, i've turned into a bad bad person. and i deserve all the crap that he throws at me.
at the point that i am right now, i just want out. i went through living with his mother once, and i told him how much i hated it and how much it affected me, but apparently that still doesn't bother him. it's more important to him to have his parents close to him than have a happy marriage with me. so am thinking, if this is the way that things are gonna go, then i might as well move out and get a place of my own once i'm settled in my job. i just can't take it anymore. when we about 3 weeks back... we had a heart to heart discussion about how we're still so young and we should work on the couple stuff as a team and we both agreed... but now it's like suddenly he's chucked all the bad things onto me simply because i don't want to live with his parents.
i tell myself that i do love him... but we might simply not be compatible. and despite all the crap i've had to deal with since we got married, i've tried very very hard to make this work and make us stick together. but there's only so much i can do for two.
there's one thing my father told me... that if ever i'm unhappy, i shouldn't feel forced to stay on... i have the right to leave.
well, i'm definitely unhappy and see unhappiness lying ahead in my future in this couple... (since he is definitely not going to relent about his parents moving in issue)... so what is it i should do...

maybe i'm seeing things in the wrong way... i dunno.

oh and this morning before leaving for work... we had another argument... and he criticised me some more... saying that i'm not paying any attention to him (it's very hard for me to pay attention to him when he's just said hurtful things to me)... but as always despite all the mean things he's said to me, he tries to be nice before leaving and came up to kiss me(i returned it) and said i love you... after he left, i went to pull the curtains and guess what... he had chucked all the clothes from the laundry basket onto the floor... the whole bunch of them. i guess he was looking for something... but he just couldn't care less to put it all back. yep, that's all i deserve. now i have to clean all that up.

guys, i'm so sorry it got this long. it's just been bottled up inside for too many days i guess.

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