Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

bellringer · 07-08-2011, 08:03 AM

You all may remember me, my husband left back in january of 2010, my son and i moved on and lived our life the way we were supose to live it, I didnt ask for him back beg or plead, my son was my priority, my h was out doing his own thing. he wasnt the greatest dad, never wanted to do much with our son, he called all the time and wouldnt leave us alone, always wanting to know where we were what we were doing. we sold our house and moved into an apartment until we can get a new house, h also moved into an apartment, I got sick a couple months ago and emergeny surgery and h was there to help, we went to sons t ball games together because i couldnt drive, and out to dinner afterwards as a family, he was coming over all the time and taking our son out to play and they hanging out with us.

he ended up having to get surgery also and my son and i were there for him as well. well about 3 weeks ago he started asking me to go to lunch with him alone, i blew him off for 2 weeks, the unknown scared me, i was in a place where i was safe and i didnt want him screwing it up. my sisters kept begging me to go to lunch with him, they would take my son for the afternoon, so i gave in and went, was so nervous thinking he was just going to ask for a break in the alimony or something, well when we got to the resturant, and sat down he asked if i wanted to talk about us, now mind you our divorce is final this month, im not even sure what day, i never really payed attention to my attn, just knew it was in july and it would come when it came.

I told him there wasnt an us because the day he left was the day i was divorced, he went on to tell me he cant move on he never stopped loving me and he wants to reconcile, we had a long conversation about what went wrong in the marriage and what we both needed to change, i told him i can forgive but cant forget, told him if were doing this we need mc and need to put in 110%, he said if he wasnt willing to do that he wouldnt have came back, he said he misses our family, i said well i know you miss our son but you have to miss me we were the ones that were married, he said he did, and has been miserable without me. we agreed to give it a shot but take it real slow, his family like mine and my family is behind me in whatever decision i make, his on the other hand are probably not gonna be so understanding, i asked him what his family would think and he told me he dont care what they think as they dont live his life, which came as a shock to me as his dad is very controlling and he usually listens to every word his dad says.

we have been dating and going out as a family and so far so good, he has come to family cookouts on my side and its like he never left, he invited me to his brothers cookout last weekend and his family knew i might come, but i declined because i am not ready for that yet, i told him i have a wall up and he has to prove he is in this for the long run, i wont be hurt again and i wont let our son be hurt again, our son knows nothing yet, we need to work things out before we tell him. when we go out my son is confused but he likes it and i just tell him daddy and mommy are friends, but for 7 he is smart, my h grabbed my hand the other nite as we walked and my son looked and smirked and said hes holding your hand.

he also said the other nite mom i dont know whats going on with you and daddy, hes always with us. as for sex that is not even on our minds, i asked him if that was what he was after and he said no he dont even want it now. so were just dating to see if we can work things out, I am confident we can do it, as time goes on and we are together i feel the love we still share for eachother. he told me through this whole ordeal he learned so much about himself, i have seen changes in him, we never really fought he said he was bored, I no i always put our son first as if i didnt he wouldnt have had anyone, and now i can work on our marriage since he is getting more involved with our son. we will see where this goes. of course its not going to be easy, but i will do it for my family. It feels good having our family back together, and he is much more attentive to both my son and myself. lets hope he stays that way.

we have another date tonite and i am looking forward to it. we have fun when were out. and i am not the one making any of the first moves, this is all on him. he knows i can do this on my own and i think that scares him, i think he seen my son and i move on as a family without him and it bothered him. I will keep you posted on the progress.

07-08-2011, 08:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
bellringer Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 108	He is stopping the divorce You all may remember me, my husband left back in january of 2010, my son and i moved on and lived our life the way we were supose to live it, I didnt ask for him back beg or plead, my son was my priority, my h was out doing his own thing. he wasnt the greatest dad, never wanted to do much with our son, he called all the time and wouldnt leave us alone, always wanting to know where we were what we were doing. we sold our house and moved into an apartment until we can get a new house, h also moved into an apartment, I got sick a couple months ago and emergeny surgery and h was there to help, we went to sons t ball games together because i couldnt drive, and out to dinner afterwards as a family, he was coming over all the time and taking our son out to play and they hanging out with us. he ended up having to get surgery also and my son and i were there for him as well. well about 3 weeks ago he started asking me to go to lunch with him alone, i blew him off for 2 weeks, the unknown scared me, i was in a place where i was safe and i didnt want him screwing it up. my sisters kept begging me to go to lunch with him, they would take my son for the afternoon, so i gave in and went, was so nervous thinking he was just going to ask for a break in the alimony or something, well when we got to the resturant, and sat down he asked if i wanted to talk about us, now mind you our divorce is final this month, im not even sure what day, i never really payed attention to my attn, just knew it was in july and it would come when it came. I told him there wasnt an us because the day he left was the day i was divorced, he went on to tell me he cant move on he never stopped loving me and he wants to reconcile, we had a long conversation about what went wrong in the marriage and what we both needed to change, i told him i can forgive but cant forget, told him if were doing this we need mc and need to put in 110%, he said if he wasnt willing to do that he wouldnt have came back, he said he misses our family, i said well i know you miss our son but you have to miss me we were the ones that were married, he said he did, and has been miserable without me. we agreed to give it a shot but take it real slow, his family like mine and my family is behind me in whatever decision i make, his on the other hand are probably not gonna be so understanding, i asked him what his family would think and he told me he dont care what they think as they dont live his life, which came as a shock to me as his dad is very controlling and he usually listens to every word his dad says. we have been dating and going out as a family and so far so good, he has come to family cookouts on my side and its like he never left, he invited me to his brothers cookout last weekend and his family knew i might come, but i declined because i am not ready for that yet, i told him i have a wall up and he has to prove he is in this for the long run, i wont be hurt again and i wont let our son be hurt again, our son knows nothing yet, we need to work things out before we tell him. when we go out my son is confused but he likes it and i just tell him daddy and mommy are friends, but for 7 he is smart, my h grabbed my hand the other nite as we walked and my son looked and smirked and said hes holding your hand. he also said the other nite mom i dont know whats going on with you and daddy, hes always with us. as for sex that is not even on our minds, i asked him if that was what he was after and he said no he dont even want it now. so were just dating to see if we can work things out, I am confident we can do it, as time goes on and we are together i feel the love we still share for eachother. he told me through this whole ordeal he learned so much about himself, i have seen changes in him, we never really fought he said he was bored, I no i always put our son first as if i didnt he wouldnt have had anyone, and now i can work on our marriage since he is getting more involved with our son. we will see where this goes. of course its not going to be easy, but i will do it for my family. It feels good having our family back together, and he is much more attentive to both my son and myself. lets hope he stays that way. we have another date tonite and i am looking forward to it. we have fun when were out. and i am not the one making any of the first moves, this is all on him. he knows i can do this on my own and i think that scares him, i think he seen my son and i move on as a family without him and it bothered him. I will keep you posted on the progress.