Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Question for Ladies: When a wife says she is "Done," she's done?

Undertheradar · 07-08-2011, 12:23 PM

A few things.

My wife was also "done" with our marriage. However, there is no other man, and she's showing some signs of reconciliation.

I do want to point a few things out.

1) Chasing her is the worst thing you could do. You'll never win her back, by being the "you" that she knows. You may get her attention by being the "you" that she doesn't know. That's a person that does something called the "180". Look it up on this board, you'll be surprised just how wrong you've been handling your situation.

2) If there's another man, there's a 99% chance that she's so involved with him, that you're not in her best interest at the moment.

3) Being separated for a year, and still hanging on, means you need to gain control of yourself. My wife has given me a "virtual separation", meaning that she's physically still living with me, but I know that she's not really here in her heart. During that period, I managed to disconnect myself to a point, where breaking up wouldn't devastate me as much as it would have 6 months ago. As soon as I started to drift away, my wife started showing signs of wanting to work through our issues.
I'm not saying your wife would do the same, because I feel as if maybe she already moved on.
Even if you didn't move on, you need to back off 100%.

Move on, or at least never let her know that you haven't moved on.

Ignore her as much as you can. Trust me, it's the only way this will resolve itself.

07-08-2011, 12:23 PM	#5 (permalink)
Undertheradar Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 348	Re: Question for Ladies: When a wife says she is "Done," she's done? A few things. My wife was also "done" with our marriage. However, there is no other man, and she's showing some signs of reconciliation. I do want to point a few things out. 1) Chasing her is the worst thing you could do. You'll never win her back, by being the "you" that she knows. You may get her attention by being the "you" that she doesn't know. That's a person that does something called the "180". Look it up on this board, you'll be surprised just how wrong you've been handling your situation. 2) If there's another man, there's a 99% chance that she's so involved with him, that you're not in her best interest at the moment. 3) Being separated for a year, and still hanging on, means you need to gain control of yourself. My wife has given me a "virtual separation", meaning that she's physically still living with me, but I know that she's not really here in her heart. During that period, I managed to disconnect myself to a point, where breaking up wouldn't devastate me as much as it would have 6 months ago. As soon as I started to drift away, my wife started showing signs of wanting to work through our issues. I'm not saying your wife would do the same, because I feel as if maybe she already moved on. Even if you didn't move on, you need to back off 100%. Move on, or at least never let her know that you haven't moved on. Ignore her as much as you can. Trust me, it's the only way this will resolve itself.