| | Re: lonely married, scared to divorce
Wow, thank you everyone! You've all helped me so much.
2xloser- I do feel that I am giving 110%. It is difficult for me to give up. However, now that you've said this, I realize I can look myself in the mirror and feel that I've given it my best effort, which makes things a bit easier for me. I've asked him once before how much he feels he's putting into our relationship and he said 80%, which made me feel like he doesn't really care.
Prodigal- you are right. I didn't realize that I was basing my doubts on What if's instead of what is. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I am going to do my best to live in the present and work with the information that I have at the moment.
The lies that he has told are pretty heavy ones but it doesn't involve him spending a load of money. Although I have found credit cards that I was not aware of and two of them have gone to collections. The lie that tipped the boat for me was this past April. My doctors discovered a large tumor on my ovary and I had to go through surgery. The insurance I was using had run out, 5 months earlier, I didn't know. He had told me we still had it. He claims it was an oversight on his part and that he didn't know it had run out. After talking to the insurance company, I can't understand how he didn't know he didn't pay enough for the insurance. I must have an angel watching over me because things worked out and in the end I was covered by a different insurance for the surgery. That's the problem though, he says these huge lies and then someone or something bails him out so I find my way past them. These are only some of the lies, there have been several much like them. We are now in a huge financial hole and he can't find permanent work. I feel that I learn something new about him every week.
Jellybeans- I don't know what was wrong with me, I thought I was smarter than to think things would change after marriage. Counseling was okay. He did really well opening up to her and talking so it looked like he was making progress, but he never brought it outside of the office. She would assign him homework and he would never complete it. We are in a very huge financial hole right now and unfortunately cannot afford counseling any longer. We haven't been in over two months. I didn't think our sex life was normal. Thank you for confirming that!
Sunny T- I think that quote is what will get me through this. I'm going to write it down and read it every night. Thank you so much for reassuring me that what I want isn't far fetched. I'm glad you were able to find someone to make you happy. I hope I can do the same.
Thank you! What amazing advice and incite you've all given me. You are all awesome. It feels so much better have someone to talk to about this. Just talking lifts a huge weight off my shoulders.