| | Re: When it's Death and Not Divorce...
I lost my first wife to cancer! she was only 30 yrs old and it was hell watching her deteriorate and die! But you know its coming, you know there's nothing you can do. The worst thing is knowing that the kids will never know her (Max was 4 and Maddison was 2) but you deal with it because you have to and closure is easier because you know that there is nothing you can do, whats not easier is the aftermath and sudden knowledge that you will never hold kiss or feel the one you love ever again, for me i coped for a while and even got a job but one day it fell apart and i fell apart in a big way and nearly lost everything by going off the rails!
Since then i have rebuilt my life, re-married and now have 4 children, 2 step and my 2! and that brings a whole new strain on life. Atm i am not 100% sure that our marriage is going to survive because of my wife and my mum not seeing eye to eye and the kids, especially the boys having problems getting on. This scares me more than losing my first wife, that i could not control but this i feel i can but whatever i do does not work, i love my current wife more than i can possibly say but the thought of it going wrong and losing her and divorce etc i know i cant deal with, the thought of her still being around and making a life without me would kill me because i will always think i could of done more!
Hopefully this wont happen, i know i will survive if it does and do my best but the thought that i could (and still can) of saved it will eat at me forever, death gives a definate closure divorce never does.