Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

kevsand718 · 07-12-2011, 11:45 AM

First let me say sorry for jumping around so much in this post. I have a lot on my mind and it just came out in random chunks.

Well I figured I would write in since it has been a year since the W and I had a long talk about needs and the sex in our marriage. We have been married closing on 11 years. After our talk we started off having sex 2 times a month and give me hand jobs another 3-4 times in same month. Since then it has slowly been on the decline. we sometimes have sex once a month and then I get a hand job maybe another 2 times in that month. Both only happen if I make a suggestive comment that i have a need. I have tried every suggestion / opinion mentioned in this forum with little to no success. I just don't get it. I was the alpha male, I took on more responsibility, more affection, less affection, went out more and stayed home more. I'm sure there is other things i did too but just can't remember. I could be the most fun, loving person and I would still just looked at like a friend in my mind. Nothing I did or could do would make her "want" me. Back rubs - she's not into them, foot massage - she's not into them. She likes holding hands - we do that, she likes talking - we do that , she likes going out to dinner / shopping - we do that. I don't get it... What can I do to make her want to have sex with me. It doesn't even have to be sex i would be more than happy just orally satisfying her. She doesn't understand that I enjoy her body and that physical closeness. Now If I ask for it I will either get rejected, ignored or offered a helping hand which just seems like a pity move to me. It's so annoying I just refuse and move on. It would be nice to have the tables turned and I not always be after her. I don't think that's ever going to happen though. It's even more frustrating because I have woman friends and they mention how sexy I am and how they would love to have me. Why doesn't my wife feel the same way? I don't want the answer "it's because you are not changing things up in the marriage" I have tried. There is only so much you can do when a person is not interested in a lot of the things you do to "spice" things up. One of the things we also talked about was me initiatiating more. Well the reason I stopped initiating so much was because i was always getting "not now" or "maybe" but then nothing happened. Just last night I got "it's too hot" and I replied "and in the winter it's too cold you tell me" I can't win. She has told me she is just not a sexual person but she does enjoy it and has multiple orgasm's when we do but DAMN why does it have to be so infrequent. I just don't know what else i can do to get us to have sex more often. Once a month sucks and just getting hand jobs is quickly becoming a bore. I mean I can do that myself.

07-12-2011, 11:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
kevsand718 Registered User Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 25	It's all too confusing..... First let me say sorry for jumping around so much in this post. I have a lot on my mind and it just came out in random chunks. Well I figured I would write in since it has been a year since the W and I had a long talk about needs and the sex in our marriage. We have been married closing on 11 years. After our talk we started off having sex 2 times a month and give me hand jobs another 3-4 times in same month. Since then it has slowly been on the decline. we sometimes have sex once a month and then I get a hand job maybe another 2 times in that month. Both only happen if I make a suggestive comment that i have a need. I have tried every suggestion / opinion mentioned in this forum with little to no success. I just don't get it. I was the alpha male, I took on more responsibility, more affection, less affection, went out more and stayed home more. I'm sure there is other things i did too but just can't remember. I could be the most fun, loving person and I would still just looked at like a friend in my mind. Nothing I did or could do would make her "want" me. Back rubs - she's not into them, foot massage - she's not into them. She likes holding hands - we do that, she likes talking - we do that , she likes going out to dinner / shopping - we do that. I don't get it... What can I do to make her want to have sex with me. It doesn't even have to be sex i would be more than happy just orally satisfying her. She doesn't understand that I enjoy her body and that physical closeness. Now If I ask for it I will either get rejected, ignored or offered a helping hand which just seems like a pity move to me. It's so annoying I just refuse and move on. It would be nice to have the tables turned and I not always be after her. I don't think that's ever going to happen though. It's even more frustrating because I have woman friends and they mention how sexy I am and how they would love to have me. Why doesn't my wife feel the same way? I don't want the answer "it's because you are not changing things up in the marriage" I have tried. There is only so much you can do when a person is not interested in a lot of the things you do to "spice" things up. One of the things we also talked about was me initiatiating more. Well the reason I stopped initiating so much was because i was always getting "not now" or "maybe" but then nothing happened. Just last night I got "it's too hot" and I replied "and in the winter it's too cold you tell me" I can't win. She has told me she is just not a sexual person but she does enjoy it and has multiple orgasm's when we do but DAMN why does it have to be so infrequent. I just don't know what else i can do to get us to have sex more often. Once a month sucks and just getting hand jobs is quickly becoming a bore. I mean I can do that myself.