Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wishing your separated spouse on their birthday

StartingAgain · 07-18-2011, 08:56 PM

When father's day came around, I bought my STBXH his favorite, just released video game, even left work early to obtain it.

I offered it to my daughters to give to him from themselves on the night he was picking them up from dinner (the same date it was also released after a several year wait).

I heard later from them, he was very excited to get it and gave them lots of praise and thanks. But he never acknowleged that a. I was the one who had to go get it or b. I was the one who knew it would be something he wanted.

When we were living together, but knowing separation was coming, I used to get SOOOOO frustrated that he wouldn't say good morning to me, or good night, or any of the other cordial things people would do when they don't despise each other. I always saw this as an obstacle for us possibly reconciling, that we couldn't even manage the simple things.

My counselor told me, many times. Don't do things simply because you expect them in return. Do them, because you mean it. Say hello, say good morning, say happy birthday. If you don't get it back in return, its not YOU. Its them. Don't let it affect how you feel about yourself. Just give without expecation.

07-18-2011, 08:56 PM	#6 (permalink)
StartingAgain Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 30	Re: Wishing your separated spouse on their birthday When father's day came around, I bought my STBXH his favorite, just released video game, even left work early to obtain it. I offered it to my daughters to give to him from themselves on the night he was picking them up from dinner (the same date it was also released after a several year wait). I heard later from them, he was very excited to get it and gave them lots of praise and thanks. But he never acknowleged that a. I was the one who had to go get it or b. I was the one who knew it would be something he wanted. When we were living together, but knowing separation was coming, I used to get SOOOOO frustrated that he wouldn't say good morning to me, or good night, or any of the other cordial things people would do when they don't despise each other. I always saw this as an obstacle for us possibly reconciling, that we couldn't even manage the simple things. My counselor told me, many times. Don't do things simply because you expect them in return. Do them, because you mean it. Say hello, say good morning, say happy birthday. If you don't get it back in return, its not YOU. Its them. Don't let it affect how you feel about yourself. Just give without expecation.