lost_&_trying

Absolutely. And without hesitation.

My wife means so much to me...always has and always will. Would I tell my younger self to carry through with the same decision I made to marry her and her alone? With 100% certainty I can say yes.

This relationship of ours has taken 9 years of not knowing who exactly we were as individuals. We shared everything together, a lot of times to a fault. She literally was my other half. In many cases this was beautiful, but in others somewhat of a burden b/c we couldn't grow outward enough to grow closer together. We depended on each other for so many things that we got stuck in repeating patterns that began to break down our marriage. And it falls away from there...both of our responsibility. And she decided to leave to find what was best for her.

Although our current separation has led to nearly 3 months of NC verbally, the reason I would do this all again is this: had it not have been for her doing what she did, we would have continued a downward spiral. It was her completely turning my world upside down which caused me to reevaluate my entire existence and what I wanted to become for myself. It's been over 4 months of inner reformation for me to achieve a glimpse of my true self. I'm continuing with this as each day passes, growing stronger in ways I wouldn't have thought before. I'm finally starting to realize just who I was meant to be. She can honestly take credit for bringing out the best in me.

I wouldn't caution that younger version of myself either, as the experiences and opportunities that my wife and I have shared throughout the years are too priceless to tiptoe around by knowing something may be off. I would say to live life and love her with everything I could possibly give. Only then would I know that she got the very best of my heart.

Hoping I can take that same advice into a new relationship...with her.