Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - What to do when someone else crosses a line?

draconis · 01-17-2008, 11:45 AM

Okay, first I want to say sorry for two things.
1) I read this at 4:30 in the morning and wanted to be more awake to respond;
2) My computer is having issues so bear with me.
3) You'll have to read it all to understand what I am saying.

I) When I was younger my parents whom trusted me very much wanted to get to know my friends not because they didn't trust me but because they wanted to see if my friends had simular morals, ethics, standards etc. They feared that they my friends would provide peer pressure or put me in a bad situation where I might make a bad choice that I would not normally make.

II) I have heard the term over and over "I trust you but I do not trust (fill in a person). It is a real fear. Sometimes when you are in a bad situation you make a bad choice. Other people can use a weak moment that can really get to you.

III) I have never cheated on anyone myself, ever. But I have found myself temped in situations many times. Often I have just left if I could. Often though since we do not know what another is thinking it is hard to just not be in a bad situation. If you confide in someone and they offer support or even a hug for relief what is to say they may not try to kiss you. You already have your guard down and expect they will not misuse your trust. It happens though.

IV) Men often use flirting as the first step to get a woman. As crude as it sounds it is the basic building block.

As for your husband he may very well trust you, however, knowing how he got you (by flirting) and not wanting to seem weak (confiding in you his fear, because weak men lose women) he holds it in. Further he feels at a loss to compete with others because the chemical reaction of attraction is over and he has to rely completely on the foundation of the relationship built.

So deep down he most likely trusts you but not the other people.

Men's brains are wired different with less white matter (communication and multi-tasking) and they do not bond the same through sex E. works better as a bonding during orgasm with the chemical release of the body. Further after 40 men go through a simular mid-life issues as women and often suffer from all kinds of issues.

I wouldn't feel bad but you can re-assure your husband that you love only him and that you are not interest in anyone else.

He might be a bit insecure but do not shoulder his guilt but rather step up the communication so he is more at ease.

draconis

01-17-2008, 11:45 AM	#4 (permalink)
draconis Forum Supporter Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North East Posts: 3,501	Re: What to do when someone else crosses a line? Okay, first I want to say sorry for two things. 1) I read this at 4:30 in the morning and wanted to be more awake to respond; 2) My computer is having issues so bear with me. 3) You'll have to read it all to understand what I am saying. I) When I was younger my parents whom trusted me very much wanted to get to know my friends not because they didn't trust me but because they wanted to see if my friends had simular morals, ethics, standards etc. They feared that they my friends would provide peer pressure or put me in a bad situation where I might make a bad choice that I would not normally make. II) I have heard the term over and over "I trust you but I do not trust (fill in a person). It is a real fear. Sometimes when you are in a bad situation you make a bad choice. Other people can use a weak moment that can really get to you. III) I have never cheated on anyone myself, ever. But I have found myself temped in situations many times. Often I have just left if I could. Often though since we do not know what another is thinking it is hard to just not be in a bad situation. If you confide in someone and they offer support or even a hug for relief what is to say they may not try to kiss you. You already have your guard down and expect they will not misuse your trust. It happens though. IV) Men often use flirting as the first step to get a woman. As crude as it sounds it is the basic building block. As for your husband he may very well trust you, however, knowing how he got you (by flirting) and not wanting to seem weak (confiding in you his fear, because weak men lose women) he holds it in. Further he feels at a loss to compete with others because the chemical reaction of attraction is over and he has to rely completely on the foundation of the relationship built. So deep down he most likely trusts you but not the other people. Men's brains are wired different with less white matter (communication and multi-tasking) and they do not bond the same through sex E. works better as a bonding during orgasm with the chemical release of the body. Further after 40 men go through a simular mid-life issues as women and often suffer from all kinds of issues. I wouldn't feel bad but you can re-assure your husband that you love only him and that you are not interest in anyone else. He might be a bit insecure but do not shoulder his guilt but rather step up the communication so he is more at ease. draconis