Hoosier

Thanks guys... I am surprised at the deep hurt going thru me right now... I had thought that I was over that part, but I guess the part of me that was in denial hadnt got hurt yet. LM you sent me via pm the 180 posting. I am going to read it everyday, probably many times each day. I know when I read that plus the Just let them go...that they are the truth. Just that after 30 years you begin to wonder if it were all a lie, life with her has been miserable the last 2.5 years, I today felt again the tug at my heart missing the intimacy that we had shared at one time. for some reason I have a hard time putting myself back say six months ago when I was hurting for lack of intimacy from her. If I could remember how miserable I was/am because of her lack of interest in me I think that would help, but for some reason those memories are hidden by the hurt from the betrayal. I am dedicated to getting the D as fast and soon as I can...cant wait for it to be done. As for him, he is 62 and his wife died of brain cancer a year and a half ago, both my W and I went to her funeral...He would come to my office quite a bit to talk about things, I offered him comfert and friendship. My counselor asked me if I missed him, HECK NO! but the betrayal by him just makes it worse. I really think had she just asked for a divorce I would have handled it much better, somehow I feel I am a loser, he is better than me, I really screwed up and I am not going to get a chance to correct it..that eats at me. I am embarressed.