Lon

When my stbxw first brought up the D word, she said she had been checked out for a long time, like two years, long before her infidelity (I believe)... Supposedly she argues that she also tried to make it work, and I do remember her saying before we did our first round of MC that she felt like there was nothing left for her in the marriage, without even really giving it much actual effort.

Well it is starting to make sense now why the past few years has seemed kind of like a one-sided marriage to me, why I've been such a "doormat", why she's mistreated me and abandoned the home so much. When she left I just felt so used, and I felt guilty for letting myself get drained so badly, but I'm realizing I WAS being used, my W WAS eating her cake, even though she probably wasn't with an OM most of that time she did have all the freedom of the single life because of everything I was putting into my end of the "marriage". A marriage that I didn't realize was over. Everything I did to feed her only made me weaker both in reality and especially in her perception. She had a duty to tell me, maybe she did and I just couldn't hear it, surely fear was blinding us. I'm certain I would have had the strength to work past this, but she obviously didn't, she couldn't even act for two years on what she knew to be true.

I recognize that I bottled all that anger up, and now I don't necessarily need to release it explosively, just need to recognize it and vent a little off.

I guess this is a warning to other "nice guys" whose wives are not pulling their weight and are not happy... if they are checked out you must stop enabling them to take advantage of you because you will lose, and your marriage will slowly die.