blind

Here is a little update on our situation. I spoke to my wife on the phone for about 15 minutes. I know talking on the phone might not be the best way to communicate, but atleast she felt comfortable. Although this is a short period of time, it is longer than we usually get to talk all at once.

Here is what she told me. For 17 years she has put herself aside and tried to make sure I got to do the things I wanted. When she did get to do the things she desired, she felt is was a burden on me to watch the children, or change my plans before we had children. She sees I am trying to change, but is apprehensive that a person can change after 17 years. I can understand her apprehension. Finally, because she was always trying to make sure I was happy, she wasn't able to be herself around me. When she is around her friends from work and even my friend that she was able to talk to, she is able to be herself.

Obviously this is all hard to hear. But, I needed to hear it from her. I think it will just motivate me to try even harder. Also, I have been able to see how she acts with her friends and I like who she really is.

I didn't say all that much during our conversation. I just wanted to be a good listener. I thanked her for not just packing up and leaving. She said she could have done that but it wasn't fair. I didn't ask, but I feel she meant it would not be fair to our children.

I pray I get the opportunity to get to know my wife again. If she wants it, she derserves a chance for this to work. My children definitely deserve a chance for this to work. I don't deserve another chance, but I hope I get one.