Originally Posted by Avalon
Can I add my .02 cents?
My H and I have been married for almost 23 years, 2 amazing teenagers. I've "checked out" in the last several months, but the reason is that my husband over the last 8 years has chosen to be married to his computer. He does not participate in ANY WAY with raising two kids other than paying the bills. He does not have any friends or interests/hobbies. He goes to work, comes home, sits in front of his computer, goes to work, comes home, sits in front of his computer...ad nausem.... He does not participate in any family activities. He can go for days without saying a word to our own children. He has not participated in their education or healthcare or daily lives for years. Family time?? What the heck is that??? Communication?? Any time I try to talk with him the answer is "I'm just not an emotional person." End of conversation.
After 8 years of trying to be the glue that was holding our family together, trying to communicate, trying to do family activities, I was tired of beating my head into a brick wall and not getting a response. After so many head-bangings, you begin to realize that 1) It hurts and 2) The brick wall is not going to move. I have no desire to spend the next 30 or 40 years of my life sitting on my butt, watching him sit on his butt. I have a life to live!!!
So... I've "checked out" of our marriage, because I simply cannot compete against my husband's computer for his time and attention. He has very clearly shown this 100's of times over the past several years. The people that he should care about the most in this world... his children/family and his elderly parents who could really use his help... simply don't matter to him.
Just wanted to show what "checking out" can be like from a different perspective.
There are instances where it can be justified, such as in your case. But this didn't happen with me. We BOTH raised the kids equally. I was involved in every available moment of their lives - and hers. Faithful 36 years.
She called it quits because she grew tired of me. Bottom line. She told me I was not a fun person to be around. Yet, I am the outdoor person, I am the one who likes to play sports, I am the one who likes to go out places and travel with her. My real fault, I didn't go out enough with her to be and visit with large groups of people. Well, sort of true. It depends on exactly how many times you do that is good enough for you.
Communication was the issue. We both didn't communicate, we both didn't listen, she said. I disagree with her; We both didn't communicate, we both didn't listen 10% of the time is the reality of it - and that 10% was just enough for her to quit. Never mind the other 90%. And the other 110% of my being there for her and them every day.