Quote:
Originally Posted by whattodo0
Do you two get along, or is there alot of arguing? Are you still intimate, or living as room mates, and most importantly, is she aware that you are serious about needing her to understand you more and that youre considering separation?
I doubt this helped you at all, but you are definately not alone.
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We argued a lot over the years. Since I "came out" about my agnostic beliefs, we've had far less arguing. However, there's always that "elephant in the bedroom" syndrome. You know...the issue is there with the two of you and you know it, but nobody wants to say anything for fear it will start another argument.
Yes, we are still intimate, but the intimacy is not what I want. It could be so much better. Part of the problem is these religious rules for what's appropriate - even in our bedroom. It kills intimacy for me.
She has suggested for years that we have separate bedrooms. I told her the day she tries to do that is the day I leave. That is certainly not my idea of a happy marriage! So I have set certain boundaries. However, it still bugs me that she would even suggest such a thing.
She has known in the past that I've considered separating. I do suggest it when when we have arguments regarding the same issues year-after-year. I don't do this all the time, but only if I'm PO'd enough that I've had it. I've threatened to leave several times and came as close to having my bags packed and getting ready to walk out the door! But I back down at the last minute. I'm thinking that making good on the threat is the only way she is going to listen; nothing else has worked. I want to talk with her again, but I feel she will just give me more of the same double-talk she's always done. If I "spring it" on her instead, it will have maximum effect. I don't want to take this approach, but I do want a change and I'm losing my patience!
I simply want this girl to loosen up and have a mind of her own, and not keep being an automaton for some religion. I'm also thinking about my kids too. I don't want them programmed this way and have it ruin their lives too down the road.
I have to be honest too - other women are looking better to me too. I know that is not right either. I have made no advances to other women whatsoever. However, I'm missing that intimate/best friend connection with my wife. I want that connection; and if she won't provide it then perhaps I should just find someone else who can and whom I'm more compatible with.