Originally Posted by grendelsmom
It's funny, but the way you describe yourself sounds like literally every husband I've ever known, except my own. You're a type-B personality. There are plenty of them out there. Where do you live? I live in rural Ohio, and I can tell you, what you describe is precisely the way people around here live. I've lived in places where people were always on the go, and I felt like a fish out of water there. Maybe it's partly a regional issue.
I've known men who've brought their wives from rags-to-riches and the wives have left them. Who knows why? I doubt it was dullness, though. I think it's more a matter of someone who is always pursuing something "better" because she isn't happy in her own skin.
I spent two decades looking for a man to marry, and in that time I was on various dating/sex sites. I came to some conclusions from this experience: 1) it's easy for women to get sex, 2) it's easy for men to get a relationship, and 3) if one doesn't work out, there is always another coming right down the pike. There are just so many women out there looking for a man to treat them right. Look at how many put up with intolerable situations just to keep "love." If you are willing to fish in the appropriate pond (which is where many men go wrong, imo--they think they "deserve" someone younger and better-looking than they are, for some reason), and you treat a woman right, as it sounds like you will, I would think you'd have your choice of women. Of course, if you would rather believe you don't, you can sit alone and ponder why you are so unworthy.
But that isn't a lot of fun.
I live in a very rural area that borders your state. Being on the go here probably looks different than it would in Chicago; our town isn't buzzing with hot spots. It just seems like people here have an "itch" to always be busy, which equals being on the go. People can't just take time to sit and relax, they have to be dabbling in something. Back when my marriage was good, one of the things we enjoyed most was renting movies on the weekend and just kicking back. Sometimes we would rent up to 3 movies and watch until late into the night
I'm not lazy, I do what needs to be done, but I never looked for something to do just to occupy what some consider dead time.
If I have all my chores caught up, which I often do, I think, "Wow, I get to do nothing and just relax."
As for "fishing in the appropriate pond," maybe I'm looking in the wrong pond. I want a woman who is like my x was in the good times: good looking, laid back, a good moral person, hard working. She was "one in a million": That description is "in between" what we have here, and there aren't many "in-between" people here. The good looking, hard working woman here are also the "on the go" type who want boats, fancy houses, etc. The laid back women here are usually laid back because they are lazy, prefer Larry-the-Cable-Guy boyfriends, and have enough baggage to fill a freight train. I don't fit either category.
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Do you really feel you are DULL -at your core ? Do you not genuinelly "like" who you are ?
I feel i am dull by most people's way of measuring, but I really do like who I am. The way I was raised worked well for us. We were a calm family who never had any major issues. I often joke that the biggest issue we had when i was growing up was whether we were going to have our chicken with Shake-and-bake or just rolled in flour.
The lifestyle we led gave us a peaceful life instead of dramatic and stressful. It worked for us, but it doesn't blend well with other people because it's too dull for most people.
As for the rest of your post, it was great and probably hit the nail on the head.
Originally Posted by Larrelye
SouthBound: You would be perfect for me if I were not already married. My children are nearly grown. My hobbies keep me at home and in my yard. And believe it or not I'm 30 something and attractive! It seems to me you are allowing yourself to fall into a state of depression. Is it low self esteem? You tell me. Everyone on here has offered encouragement and support and many say that they ARE interested in a man like you but yet you repeatedly come back with "No. No one's gonna be interested in me because I'm DULL." Well. Sit home and be dull and depressed or sit home and enjoy the life that YOU enjoy and not what you THINK some random fictional woman wants. Hell! Women don't know what they want! How the heck would you know!?
That's the problem, there are plenty of women who say i would fit them perfectly and would be a good catch, but they are either married or 60 plus years old. Where are the singles who feel that way?