Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Is his EA a PA? Does this look suspicious?

walkingwounded · 08-03-2011, 03:22 AM

He's nit picking now. Said that his inbox WAS full which was why he deleted all his messages. He said I filled in the gaps, that he DID say when he read it he knew what I'd think, but not that that was why he deleted it. But hey. The thought was there and he deleted it and didn't tell me so it amounts to the same thing.

I don't know what to do. I'm up again because my mind is racing. After dinner he was a lot calmer. I keep thinking through everything he has said and done that looks bad. Then thinking about it from the other side, the possibility that I have read into it and he is telling the truth that nothing else happened.

I said my worst fear is that I choose to believe him, then in one/five/ten years time when we're further down the line, have maybe invested more in a bigger house, maybe gone on our second honeymoon, that I find out THEN that he has lied. I know there would be no getting over that. I feel stuck because as it is, there isn't enough to say, yes, I know you lied. But I don't feel confident enough to say, OK, I believe you. So I am stuck in limbo.

The idea about the polygraph... At this point I would consider it. However I feel extremely sure that my H would toss it aside saying if I can't believe him, then why bother, let's just call it a day...

I am here thinking how to approach this logically. I don't want this toxic situation to drag out indefinitely, it is destructive, I am in anguish and he is so angry. I am also worried I could be condemning him for something that hasn't happened and if it turns out he IS telling the truth, he could end up being so resentful and more angry at me for not believing him.

I'm stuck.

08-03-2011, 03:22 AM	#9 (permalink)
walkingwounded Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 722	Re: Is his EA a PA? Does this look suspicious? He's nit picking now. Said that his inbox WAS full which was why he deleted all his messages. He said I filled in the gaps, that he DID say when he read it he knew what I'd think, but not that that was why he deleted it. But hey. The thought was there and he deleted it and didn't tell me so it amounts to the same thing. I don't know what to do. I'm up again because my mind is racing. After dinner he was a lot calmer. I keep thinking through everything he has said and done that looks bad. Then thinking about it from the other side, the possibility that I have read into it and he is telling the truth that nothing else happened. I said my worst fear is that I choose to believe him, then in one/five/ten years time when we're further down the line, have maybe invested more in a bigger house, maybe gone on our second honeymoon, that I find out THEN that he has lied. I know there would be no getting over that. I feel stuck because as it is, there isn't enough to say, yes, I know you lied. But I don't feel confident enough to say, OK, I believe you. So I am stuck in limbo. The idea about the polygraph... At this point I would consider it. However I feel extremely sure that my H would toss it aside saying if I can't believe him, then why bother, let's just call it a day... I am here thinking how to approach this logically. I don't want this toxic situation to drag out indefinitely, it is destructive, I am in anguish and he is so angry. I am also worried I could be condemning him for something that hasn't happened and if it turns out he IS telling the truth, he could end up being so resentful and more angry at me for not believing him. I'm stuck.