draconis

Well the first step is that you need to sit down and TALK with her. COMMUNICATION is the first key. You need to really LISTEN to what her concerns are. Ask her if you can tape the conversation. Afterwards you can listen to the taope over and over to see what you originally missed and ask yourself why you missed it. Also when people know they are being taped they are more calm, but you can review the tape for signs of anger and aggression on your part.

If you really want to humble yourself try going to AA meetings and it doesn't matter if you are an alcoholic but focus in on their stories how they threw so much away and had to hit rock bottom before they realized it was to late to fix their vices.

Try to keep a journal and be truthful. Note your weaknesses and why they came up and what needs to be fixed. be HONEST with yourself and her.

Find ways to give her space while keeping the marriage moving forward, she can go to college, the gym or a girls night out. You have to face your fear on this one. Remind yourself that everytime she does these things that you worry your losing control that you are gaining her as love and she is getting back a piece of herself.

If you are truly depressed see a phychologist. There might be underlining problems you have carried with yourself for years that need to be understood so that you can overcome them. I would also switch up you diet to more fresh veggies and less meat. Meat helps to provide protien that helps produce testosterome and other "aggression" chemicals in the body. Also, go to a gym if you can. Their is nothing like having a good outlet to work out your frustrations without using the raised frustration on your wife. If possible use a different gym then her.

If you have to raise your voice give yourself a time out. You should never verbally abuse your wife. Give her a key word that will help let you know. Follow through too. If you don't and you allow heated arguments you are killing the marriage. You have to control yourself so things are not said to be hurtful because of anger and frustriation.

Don't assume she is there to help you. Instead help with the daily household chores. It is your house too. Try to clean up and offer to let her to show you how to cook if you do not know. Heck if you can boil water I can teach you how to cook. It will show a willingness to help her with your partnership.

Remember it will take a thousand times to show her you are righting each wrong. She has every right to use caution. ASSURE her each time and avoid any setbacks because from here on out one mistake and she will assume you have not changed and it is game over.

If you drink or have other addictive traits get away from it. Focus your time and energy in saving your marriage.

Always be calm, and if you want to reply off the cuff think about it before you reply. Ask yourself how she might take it.

draconis