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So I just saw my ex after 18 months of her walking out on me.

29K views 99 replies 37 participants last post by  bigtone128 
#1 ·
So I am at my son's place and who comes waltzing in after me not seeing her for over 18 months but my ex-wife. She comes in acting civil but feeling entitled (boy you guys are right on this site!). She waltzes in entitled as can be - like nothing happened. then she is civil - then she starts by saying how happy she is, so I said lets get a divorce then....then she says fine but cannot afford $500 lol, excuses. then she goes on to say that her relationship with her AP is none of my business and that our relationship was a dead end for years, then when I mentioned my friend saw her and her ap... she flipped out and said that's creepy and that's why she wanted out for years.
 
#9 ·
BT I love you but if my lying, cheating, entitled, narcissistic wife told me she was happy but too broke I would have walked out the door to the nearest ATM, gotten $500.00 and went right back to the kids place.

Then I would have flashed the $500.00 and said this is the first and last time I will ever spend money on a wh@re but it will be worth it.

I would have hugged my kid and then sat down as if she wasn't event there.

You do realize just how nuts in the head she is right?

Please do not let her set you back.

Divorce her!

HM64
 
#11 ·
So she walks in and starts spewing about how happy she is and how her relationship with her AP is none of "anyone's business".
That ``no one has a right to talk about it``.......I stated ``I will talk about whatever I want.`` She said `that`s why we are not in a relationship anymore``. Boy she is really on a power trip. Then she really goes on to say `No one has the right to talk about the nature of my relationship with my AP`--- then when I mention my friends saw her at a place - she said `that`s creepy`- I said `creepy like having an affair behind your husband`s back..
 
#17 ·
BT, it is hard following your story when you have started so many threads. I read through them all but I suggest in the future you stick to one thread.

How are the boys and you doing? When I was going through my he*l, my youngest stuck by me and it took a while for my oldest special needs son to come around and he lived with us and cursed me out first thing in the morning and when I got home from work. It was just plain horrible but I just showed him love and he finally came around.

You stated that they said to just let your wife go. Is that still their take on this? Do they see any blame in you? My youngest saw it all as his mother's fault and eventually my oldest did as well.

I know the agony of letting things go. I get from your posts that you seem to hold out some hope of her coming back. I could be wrong here.

Her attitude is that she has found mister wonderful and has moved on. Things could go South for her and she could come running back but I don't see it.

I would focus on the boys, get the money for the D and move on.
 
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#22 ·
K the thing with my ex is she is like david copperfield the great illusionist - what you see is not what you see. She is living with her AP but telling them - "It is not what it appears - it is only a living arrangement" then when my son comes home for the summer she gets him a room by himself so he would not live with her to find the truth about her and him.

So she tries to be good to my sons to keep hidden in the background about her and him. And I have to constantly confront them with the truth. For example, just the other day my son says to me "You do not know what is going on." Then I say to him "Well what about the sex songs she posted on facebook when she first moved in with him." To which he replied "Yea that is pretty messed up." But she constantly is telling them it is not true.....and I constantly have to pull them into the truth.
 
#28 ·
She doesn't have the money to contest either.

Here is what you get for that $500: The self-respect derived from doing what needs to be done as any strong man would do. Be a "can do" man. Trust yourself enough to take a leap of faith. Don't have to tell potential mates how you were afraid to divorce your lying, cheating wife because of $500 and the fact that you live in (Oh!) Canada. Talk about an invitation to see you as a man of excuses instead of a man of action.

Sometimes I think TAM should seek donations and provide grants for people who truly need financial help. That'd be a lot of fun to manage!
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#33 ·
Why does she have to hide it from her children? Weird!
Posted via Mobile Device

I think we all know why: bigtone is Plan B, the backup plan, so that she can come home in case things go bad with OM.

And that's her real excuse for not filing either, and her attempts to hide the affair from everyone.

bigtone seems to also be waiting out the affair.

Talk about living in limbo.
 
#32 ·
I would go ahead and file. Then see what happens. You never know. She may want it also. 500 bucks later, your done. I don't know your full story, but seriously, is there anything to fight for? Minor children? Asset? Property? If you are paying for anything in her life living away from you, stop it! If she has been self sufficient all this time. That makes things easier for you. Wish my divorce would have been that easy to get started. Then again, Im in SC. So, thanks to bible belt, adultery is an automatic slam dunk against alimony.
 
#39 ·
pay the 500 yourself and watch her squirm.

File abandonment charges and because of her flip out file a restraining order for a whopping 50 bucks. Get a free consultation from every D lawyer in town because if they consulted you they can not accept her. make this hard for her and watch as she decides maybe your relationship isn't dead. Just don't take her cheating arse back.
 
#58 ·
I do not think BT has ever said he does not have an emotional attachment to his STBXW still.

They have known each other for a very long time.

IMO I think BT is still wondering why his wife was and is not able to be honest with him....

I think BT will never get that answer.

And she will never honestly answer any of his questions when she still feels he cares.

BT has focused on himself and his boys. That is obvious from his earlier posts.

BT from one Dad to another when this happens
"But she constantly is telling them it is not true.....and I constantly have to pull them into the truth. "
you should remind them that you did not raise them to be naïve.

This will make them think and help them in their future relationships.

Do you still go to your vacation home? Or is it your wifes'?

HM64
 
#59 ·
BT - I read all your threads, that was the hard part, you having so many. I got your story.

D her and get this over with. Your wife threatened you and you moved. Your wife shows up and you go into all this drama. You are clinging to a woman that you call your wife in some posts and your ex in others. Stop being so dam* conflicted. Stop clinging to the hope of wanting a family with this woman. You have not move on. You have not given up.

I read all your posts and you go back and forth and have done so for so long now it is painful to see you doing this to yourself.

You get upset that she wished you a happy b-day and then you write that you sent her b-day greetings prior to this. Then you question her motive. Stop this non-sense for your own good.

Your boys know the story. I suspect they know more then you do about the AP, the reasons, etc. And I suspect they want things to work out for you and your wife/ex and are still conflicted about how this will all turn out.

You stated that you go to church and that the Bible states that adultery is grounds for D. You have your justification from a moral point, a religious point and from a legal point.


Stop engaging her. Focus on your boys, help them through school. Don't bring up their mother to them. Disengage from her. File for D and end this. It makes no sense that she can't get $500.00 and I don't even want to focus on that, because it does not matter. She is lying and more then likely has the money, she does not care. She has moved on and D is not important to her. She is living her life without you and D does not matter one way or the other. In her mind she is saying why spend any money for a D when I am living my life the way I want to live it, my husband left, and I don't care.

Honestly, why should she spend the money on D. You are not giving her any reason to do so.
 
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