draconis

1) You are going to have to clear everything out of your hea that you think you know. It isn't a matter of what you think or how you think you have been but rather how she thinks you are.

If I was ever to swat my child on the butt and that child cried saying I hurt them, how can I honestly say I didn't (or that it should not have hurt)? It is their pain, not mine.

An alcoholic will be the first to say that their drinking never effected their family only them. But that isn't the case, is it?

As a business owner it isn't a matter if I think being rude didn't upset a customer, it is if they felt offended.

What I am trying to get across is it is a matter of perspective. More then anything else it is her perspective that matters not yours to how she feels and how she will react.

2) Let up, Contact her when it is really needed. Does your child need to go to the ER and she has the only car? Again this is a matter of perspective. Ofcourse you come across as controlling, and that is letting you off lightly BTW.

She needs space and time. Yet the one thing you can do to let her heal you will not let her have. How do you think she feels?

3) Communication is more then talking to her when you want to talk. It is about listening to what she has to say. She has told you the answers countless times how to fix things. Yet you will not listen to her. Again it is her perspective that matters, not yours.

4) Give her an open invite to talk, tell her you have talked to her and now you need to listen when she is ready. Let her talk and don't take offense or defend yourself. Listen & learn from her.

Her (H) : "You hurt me."
You (Y): "How?"
H: "You are so controlling"
Y: "I'm sorry I never knew that what types of things did I do?"
H: "Well, everytime I go out you have to call me every five minutes for one."
Y: "Okay, anything else?"

5) I wouldn't move out but I would offer to have seperate rooms or sleep in the living room until the two of you know where this is going.

Note: Stop being your own worse enemy, don't look at things from your perspective, Honor hers. Right now you need to know how to make her happy and healthy. Only she knows what she needs.

draconis