Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - About to loose my mind! Trapped and can't get out

maxter · 08-08-2011, 10:32 AM

Update-
I didn't have an opportunity to go through my script outlined above in red text with her yet. But she did come to me this weekend and asked me what did I expect from her after giving her the literature about A's, True R and such. I told her I hoped she would read them and gain some understanding of herself and the effects of the A on us both, and what True R really looks like when it's implemented properly. And that I haven't seen any efforts on her part yet and it was really bothering me as time is running out, fall is coming.

She told me that I'm trying to stipulate how she should feel and act. That she understands the mistakes she's made. She didn't say 'affair', just that she made mistakes. She says I'm never satisfied with how she does things. That it's never good enough for me. She said this in reference to IC I asked her to restart (it's been months since her last session). She continues to state that Sept is the first available appt. I reiterated she can call any day, even everyday to get cancellation appts. No response to this.

From there she tells me she's upset that I criticized her IC a few weeks ago. I responded that I wasn't trying to criticize IC, but that I had concerns that the A wasn't being addressed at all and therefore she didn't come to grips with the A and what it was doing to me and our family. She didn't say whether A was discussed but proceeded to tell me there were alot of other issues going on in her life at the time (several deaths within her family, close relatives) and she was working through those problems.

She also says that she feels there is a 'mental block' of some kind in her mind that is preventing her from moving forward. She hopes MC & IC will help her break through that wall. I do too! We haven't had a MC session in a year. Our next MC session is this week. I will have to see if she can open up anymore with some mediation from the therapist.

One question: If I provide literature and verbally outline what I need for True R, is that being to controlling? For example, remorse should be part of True R, and when I state I haven't seen any display of remorse she says I'm trying to tell her how to feel. Also, when I press her about doing more to get an IC appt, she says I'm never satisfied with her efforts. That her making the first available appt wasn't good enough. I'm really trying to offer gentle direction & guidance with regards to what she needs to do. I don't harp on it. I don't get verbally abusive, just calmly point out where she could improve in certain areas. What do you all think?

08-08-2011, 10:32 AM	#15 (permalink)
maxter Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: PA Posts: 246	Re: About to loose my mind! Trapped and can't get out Update- I didn't have an opportunity to go through my script outlined above in red text with her yet. But she did come to me this weekend and asked me what did I expect from her after giving her the literature about A's, True R and such. I told her I hoped she would read them and gain some understanding of herself and the effects of the A on us both, and what True R really looks like when it's implemented properly. And that I haven't seen any efforts on her part yet and it was really bothering me as time is running out, fall is coming. She told me that I'm trying to stipulate how she should feel and act. That she understands the mistakes she's made. She didn't say 'affair', just that she made mistakes. She says I'm never satisfied with how she does things. That it's never good enough for me. She said this in reference to IC I asked her to restart (it's been months since her last session). She continues to state that Sept is the first available appt. I reiterated she can call any day, even everyday to get cancellation appts. No response to this. From there she tells me she's upset that I criticized her IC a few weeks ago. I responded that I wasn't trying to criticize IC, but that I had concerns that the A wasn't being addressed at all and therefore she didn't come to grips with the A and what it was doing to me and our family. She didn't say whether A was discussed but proceeded to tell me there were alot of other issues going on in her life at the time (several deaths within her family, close relatives) and she was working through those problems. She also says that she feels there is a 'mental block' of some kind in her mind that is preventing her from moving forward. She hopes MC & IC will help her break through that wall. I do too! We haven't had a MC session in a year. Our next MC session is this week. I will have to see if she can open up anymore with some mediation from the therapist. One question: If I provide literature and verbally outline what I need for True R, is that being to controlling? For example, remorse should be part of True R, and when I state I haven't seen any display of remorse she says I'm trying to tell her how to feel. Also, when I press her about doing more to get an IC appt, she says I'm never satisfied with her efforts. That her making the first available appt wasn't good enough. I'm really trying to offer gentle direction & guidance with regards to what she needs to do. I don't harp on it. I don't get verbally abusive, just calmly point out where she could improve in certain areas. What do you all think?