Thank you fredfoxw28,
I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to my lengthy post.
To be honest, I guess I don't really have a good answer for why I've stayed. I want to say part of it, is I don't like giving up and divorce seems like that's what I'd be doing and also it's like OK you can't just work things out kind of thing. Some parts are I didn't leave someone when they are already down I wanted to be there for him through all this depression.
I have thought again about going to talk to someone myself, but I'm also to the point is why am I always the one fixing things. I know double edge sword.
To answer your last questions:
Do I deserve this? NO
Am I a loving person? YES
Do I deserved to be loved? HELL YEAH, it would be about time. (Let's just say, I never had much of a childhood either. My father was never around and my mom has no clue how to love) whatever boo who me, sorry about that.
Anyway, Thanks again.