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Originally Posted by Bigrascal  We have a minor disagreement about timing. I'm not sure where she is exactly for her meeting and how far away it is from the sandwich shop we go to. I say let's meet in 15 minutes. She says 5 - she's not that far away. I say fine 5 minutes.
I can feel the tinges of frustration starting to open up on her part (that we are not on the same page etc., with timing), but remain unaffected.
I arrive on time and it takes her 15 minutes to get there. I didn't bring it up. |
You blew all this big-time. She was becoming frustrated in the first place because you were giving in to her 5 minute timeframe when you both knew she wasn't going to make that. It's ok to make her wait, and say, I'll be there in 15, even after she says she'll be there in 5. "5- it's not that far away." "Well, I'll be there in 15." You've got things to do man, people to see. For now you should err on the side of making her wait.
Second, when she actually was late, call her out on that! Jeez man, you let her walk all over you before you even sat down.
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Originally Posted by Bigrascal
I fail a sh!t test - where I grab chips from a top bin and she says "really your not gonna help the guy out and grab from the bottom." I shrug, pause and say sure and put them back and grab from the bottom. Ugh - why! Totally submissive on my part.
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Definitely fail number two. You say, "Look, you want to restock their shelves, go ahead. You and I are just going to do things differently sometimes. That's ok. You may have learned one way and I've learned another. That doesn't make your way right, and it's very disrespectful of you to sweat all this small stuff with me. Let it go." And nip it in the bud, right then and there, in public.
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Originally Posted by Bigrascal
She suggests we sit outside. We sit outside and talk briefly, things feel a bit strained but I do my best to remain upbeat and unaffected. I think I do a good job. We make small talk about how our days are going. She as usual is having a hectic day and seems slightly stressed.
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And fail again. She shouldn't be leading here, or anywhere. It's driving her crazy, because her dad is so take charge. If she tries to lead, pull back on that leash just for practice. "No, I want to sit inside." even if it's a nice day out.
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Originally Posted by Bigrascal She spends a good part of the meal sending an email and looking through a file - she apologizes for it. I say its fine and make a call. She talks about our bank account and she asks how much I've put in and says "you know we have bills coming out." I say "I know." She says "we can't let the balance go below 700. How much is in there."
I have a receipt in my pocket and tell her the balance. She says "ok I guess we are ok." I say "you know what, let me deposit XXX amount in there this afternoon; the bank is across from my office - just so we have it." She shrugs and says "oh, ok." |
Fail and fail. I've lost count. I don't mean to be harsh here, but you're really ticking her off. You've already handled the finances. Going and putting more in is being led around by the nose for no reason. "ok I guess we are ok." "Yes, I'm on top of it, don't worry." is the right response.
The first fail was saying "it's fine." It's far better to actually accept an apology at face value, as if you were actually wronged, which you were. "Thank you for apologizing. My time is important too." Good move on the followup of making your own call. Your time is important. You matter, man. Get it through your head.
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Originally Posted by Bigrascal We end the meal. I go in for a hug/kiss and she goes for a kiss on my check. |
I don't think it's in your best interest to initiate physical contact after so much disrespect.
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Originally Posted by Bigrascal I have work to do on passing Sh!t tests. I know they are going to come and I can't believe I failed such a simple one. I need to "steel myself" for these interactions. I also need to be unaffected by her mood and emotions. I was so ready for her to be upset by something when she got to the restaurant:
"why didn't you just get our sandwiches since you were here first" or
"why did you already get our sandwiches they are going to be cold now"
I'm almost scared of her mood. I could feel my stress level rise waiting for her to arrive and expecting her to be upset about something.
Work to do:
Expect the sh!t test to come; recognize it and call it out;
work on being unaffected by her mood/emotion. Being "worried" that she will be upset is really no way to live. Not attractive and not strong. I go in phases where I see the "matrix" and sometimes I just don't pay attention and I get blind sided. |
Have to work on tests? Do you ever. If you'd passed half of those you would have no problems. Be confident, be a man. You're getting plenty of opportunities. Don't give her an inch until you've taken the mile that you're behind. Really.
