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Pit-of-my-stomach · 08-19-2011, 11:40 AM

Im just going to post a perspective... A thought process, however flawed it may be.

I think a few things that I keep in mind here.

One, and maybe the most important. Giving just a tiny benefit of the doubt based on something I know for a fact...

BS's are internally tormented and need to feel jusitified. They spend an incredible amount of energy and time rebuilding and justifying their actions to themselves. They build a fantasy world and must live in the (however twisted) scenario that they have built that allows them to cheat.

That in mind, you have no real idea what these people are being told. Yeah, I guess you'd like to believe and it's easier to picture the WS having heart to hearts with these friends and these friends betraying you and endorsing the affair or at least not opposing it... that obviously easier becuase you get to spread the blame across a few other parties and not squarely where it belongs...

I don't want to get way off subject because it's easy for me too... the gist is...

You can count on the fact that these friends never had the whole picture and the picture that was painted for them by your WS (needing *support* for his/her actions) was skewed something fierce... If and what they actually knew is debatable but what I can say for sure is that your WS played the "poor me" card bigtime and painted the picture to them with all the colors they painted it with in themselves...

Two, keeping in mind that the picture they saw was likely littered with justifications, minimizing, blame shifting against you, and was just all around twisted and skewed to get *support* for WS... You don't know what was said to them (your WS) in opposition of the affair, or if not in opposition at least not "in support" of the decision your WS was making 100% on thier own.... and these are friends. You know, friends "thick & thin" they are going to try to be supportive of your WS who obviously is also in a tough spot and is absolutely lobbying for *support* if not for the affair then at least for themselves because in most cases that internal "moral compass" is going haywire...

Im just saying, and obviously all of this comes in degrees and all friends are different... there are ABSOLUTELY the toxic ones... the ones which must be eliminated/removed with extreme pregidous... and then there are the others... you have to judge for yourself... but looking through the "scortched earth" "angry black" glasses we look through at times being the betrayed spouse isn't always how the world really is or looks through other people's glasses... especially when those glasses were put on them by your wayward spouse...

08-19-2011, 11:40 AM	#10 (permalink)
Pit-of-my-stomach Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Hi! my name is ~Pit~. Posts: 1,890	Re: Dealing with WW's friends Im just going to post a perspective... A thought process, however flawed it may be. I think a few things that I keep in mind here. One, and maybe the most important. Giving just a tiny benefit of the doubt based on something I know for a fact... BS's are internally tormented and need to feel jusitified. They spend an incredible amount of energy and time rebuilding and justifying their actions to themselves. They build a fantasy world and must live in the (however twisted) scenario that they have built that allows them to cheat. That in mind, you have no real idea what these people are being told. Yeah, I guess you'd like to believe and it's easier to picture the WS having heart to hearts with these friends and these friends betraying you and endorsing the affair or at least not opposing it... that obviously easier becuase you get to spread the blame across a few other parties and not squarely where it belongs... I don't want to get way off subject because it's easy for me too... the gist is... You can count on the fact that these friends never had the whole picture and the picture that was painted for them by your WS (needing support for his/her actions) was skewed something fierce... If and what they actually knew is debatable but what I can say for sure is that your WS played the "poor me" card bigtime and painted the picture to them with all the colors they painted it with in themselves... Two, keeping in mind that the picture they saw was likely littered with justifications, minimizing, blame shifting against you, and was just all around twisted and skewed to get support for WS... You don't know what was said to them (your WS) in opposition of the affair, or if not in opposition at least not "in support" of the decision your WS was making 100% on thier own.... and these are friends. You know, friends "thick & thin" they are going to try to be supportive of your WS who obviously is also in a tough spot and is absolutely lobbying for support if not for the affair then at least for themselves because in most cases that internal "moral compass" is going haywire... Im just saying, and obviously all of this comes in degrees and all friends are different... there are ABSOLUTELY the toxic ones... the ones which must be eliminated/removed with extreme pregidous... and then there are the others... you have to judge for yourself... but looking through the "scortched earth" "angry black" glasses we look through at times being the betrayed spouse isn't always how the world really is or looks through other people's glasses... especially when those glasses were put on them by your wayward spouse... Last edited by Pit-of-my-stomach; 08-19-2011 at 11:44 AM.