Originally Posted by GAsoccerman
May I ask, how does he feel about the baby?
I know I was a nervous wreck with our first child, was I prepared? will I be a good father? etc...alot going on there.
I know it is very difficult for the woman, alot going on and the hormones are out of wack, I knew that as soon as I saw my wife cleaning, something was wrong...lol
Pregancy is difficult on both parties, especially since you are not married.
He answers your calls and calls you so at least you know he wants the connection. You will definately need baby steps, you can ask him what he wants he may not tell you, most men have a hard time "speaking" their emotions, especially if he is a "tough rugid" guy, not all of us can be Tom Seleck.
you need to find his best method of communication, aparently the phone is not it. Maybe you can sit down over a beer for him and a water for you, don't put him of the defensive, but re-enforce that he will be a great father to his child, that by him just being him and watching the kid grow together either as a couple or friends will bring alot of joy to you an the child.
Awww, Tom Seleck :drool: j/k
My SO is how would you say...a different breed. He doesnt understand the "big excitement" behind pregnancy. He has a preteen daughter that he loves very much but he wasnt involved at all in the pregnancy portion past the point of conception. He didnt go to any of the appointments, want to feel the baby kick or anything.
How does he feel about this baby? Well, his last child was concieved before he got married, the child was 6 years old when they decided to tie the knot.
He had expressed wanting to be married before having a child because he didnt want to repeat his previous lifestyle again and because he wanted to have some just us time prior to having a child. Completely reasonable, however despite the fact we werent planning we werent peventing either.
This will be our third pregnancy but only our first to hopefully make it to term. (Im almost 5 months pregnant.
The first miscarriage was devastating and I found myself blaming him, thinking if he would have cared more we would be having a baby. I became extremly depressed and very emotional and he withdrew and began working like crazy. I think we both to began to wonder if the other really loved us a much as we thought, I think we were both scrutinizing every aspect of our relationship. In the midst of that I became pregnant again 7 months later, but once we kept having more bad days than good days I moved out. I lost that baby too.
He took my moving out as giving up on him, his daughter, his dreams, us, everything so eventhough we continued to have a relationship throughout that year but I see now that he hadnt put very much effort into it any longer because he didnt know where it was going.
When I became pregnant this time, Im sure he had already prepared himself for another loss, so he was even more detached the first three months than usual. The fact they were we still stuck on past issues hendering us from moving foward didnt help matters. I also realized that because I had become so consumed with trying to concieve a baby (I didnt feel like a woman after two m/c's) for the past year, I think I made him feel like all I wanted was a baby and not him too. Which is far from the truth but I do see how he could have come to such conclusion.
As of right now: I quit calling him repeatedly and sending him text messages. I decided to allow him to feel comfortable enough with me to iniate conversation. A few days later he did, and we have been conversating pleasantly for a few days.
I realized in hindsight that I really didnt need to conversate with him 7 times a day, and that its not the end of the world if we dont talk for a day. I am being more considerate of his time and need for time to himself when he has worked 14 hours running his business. In turn, he seems to listen to me a little more and that is always a plus.
Also he agreed to go to the big ultrasound for the baby, and one more appointment later on that I wanted him to attend.
He told me the other night that I was the only woman that I was the only woman that he had been in love with in ten years and that he did want to be with me, he just doesnt want to argue. I dont want to argue either.
...You know we argued a whole lot less when we had more sex. Sorry, I would love to have sex everyday like 9 times a day, but damn jobs, bills, kids, and life hinder that.
Too bad he's not into phone sex. Im sorry Im in my own little world there.