Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Dominance vs. respect in a strong but troubled marriage

Amplexor · 08-24-2011, 03:39 PM

When I found my marriage at a crossroads more than a year after D-Day, it was confidence that garnered respect from my wife. With the discovery of her EA I made the typical mistakes most make. Trying to shoulder all the blame, not recognizing the fog she was in, begging and trying to immediately morph back into the knight in shining armor. All that got me was more distance from her, more lack of respect and her depending on TOM even more. What I mean by lack of respect is that I turned into just the kind of man she didn't want in her life. She needed me to take her hand and lead. Once I got my arms around it, read Love Must be Tough and worked on my confidence the tables slowly began to turn. She began to "believe" the marriage could recover because she saw my confidence in it come back. So when we reached what I considered my crossroads, the second breach of NC, there was no hesitance in the conversation. It was cool and controlled. She knew it was my deal breaker and without that it was a show stopper. She both resented me for making her do it and respected me for setting the boundary. When I joined TAM in early 2008 I included confidence in my signature line as one of the four words I thought would pull us through. It turned out to be one of the most critical in regaining my wife, my marriage and my life. Carry yourself with confidence with your wife and she will respect you.

08-24-2011, 03:39 PM	#13 (permalink)
Amplexor Moderator Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next Posts: 5,598	Re: Dominance vs. respect in a strong but troubled marriage When I found my marriage at a crossroads more than a year after D-Day, it was confidence that garnered respect from my wife. With the discovery of her EA I made the typical mistakes most make. Trying to shoulder all the blame, not recognizing the fog she was in, begging and trying to immediately morph back into the knight in shining armor. All that got me was more distance from her, more lack of respect and her depending on TOM even more. What I mean by lack of respect is that I turned into just the kind of man she didn't want in her life. She needed me to take her hand and lead. Once I got my arms around it, read Love Must be Tough and worked on my confidence the tables slowly began to turn. She began to "believe" the marriage could recover because she saw my confidence in it come back. So when we reached what I considered my crossroads, the second breach of NC, there was no hesitance in the conversation. It was cool and controlled. She knew it was my deal breaker and without that it was a show stopper. She both resented me for making her do it and respected me for setting the boundary. When I joined TAM in early 2008 I included confidence in my signature line as one of the four words I thought would pull us through. It turned out to be one of the most critical in regaining my wife, my marriage and my life. Carry yourself with confidence with your wife and she will respect you. __________________ Amp Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage. "Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp Last edited by Amplexor; 08-24-2011 at 03:56 PM.