| | Re: Is It Really That Bad?
Things seem to be status quo. Wednesday went to MC where we agreed to separate in a conversation after the session.
Went out last night with a friend and his girlfriend. W wasn't invited. Got home at 11. She left light on for me.
I get into bed. We exchange pleasantries and I start going to sleep.
She says - are you tired don't you want to read. You just got home and are going directly to sleep? I say i'm not tired, but i will be soon.
We talk. I ask her about her day if she looked at furniture. She says just online. I ask her what she's doing this weekend. She is going to IC and then to work for a bit. I tell her I scheduled tennis lessons for myself Saturday afternoon. She says "right now? Really?"
She wants to hang out this weekend and she doesn't like that I scheduled tennis lessons I guess. It's so strange on her part.
I doze off very quickly and start dreaming. She wakes me up and asks me what I was dreaming about. Apparently I was "shaking." I tell her sex - with some random woman. Which is true. She doesn't appear happy.
In the morning, I notice my Ipad is on my night stand. She's been using her laptop to look at furniture. But was using my Ipad and left it open to a furniture page. Don't know if she wanted me to see it or not or what.
I'm rambling a bit, but just find her actions interesting. She tells me Wednesday she's at peace with the decision to separate and that she's pretty sure it's a good decision. Her actions seem a bit inconsistent.
I'm trying to be a rock. Show her that I have other things to do. I'm tempted to tell her that I think this is a bad decision and that we should fight for this. If she doesn't want to try - what's the point. But I also feel like she might want me to fight for her. I'm so off that I could just be thinking too much, though.
Come to think of it, after MC session, she wanted to go out for dinner at a place we like. Weird for someone that doesn't want to try. As I think about this more, she probably expected me to make a last stand in the MC session - which I didn't. Her comments in there were like "I don't think my heart is in this." To me her comments were "My heart is not in this." Much more definitive. Probably doesn't matter.
This morning I got a big receivable finally paid by a client - sent her a brief email saying how happy I was. No response. I was trying to emphasize the positive to her.
I'm conflicted with just trying to ignore her a bit and let her feel the impact of her decision and that things are over.