michzz

The problem is that you have arrived at a way of thinking about your relationship that he clearly does not share -- despite weak protestations to the contrary.

You either did not tell him marriage was important to you OR you evolved to that position and he does not share that wish at all. He is savvy enough to realize that he can put you off by telling you this some day strategy.

However, the amount of time you two have known each other and been romantically linked and lived together is clearly enough time for him to know whether of not he wants marriage.

He may love you, but he does not want to be married.

The idea of having children was brought up. It would be sad to not be married before having children. Yes, I know you are so modern at 29, what's a piece of paper, right?

It matters.

So where does this leave you?

You, holding off your desire to be married, to have children within a marriage. You accepting his put off strategy until you're well past your best child-bearing age. Then you realize it is not going to happen and this fear you have now, your gut telling you it has begun, it is accomplished.

OR, OR, OR

You change your reaction to this put off strategy.

You can either accept this fate, one you do not enjoy, or you can make the price of his strategy be that you move out. Yes, I'm saying that you drop out of this pseudo-marriage and live on your own. Or if money is a problem, you get a room mate or move in with your parents, something.

If this turns into a deal killer for your guy, then so be it. It will air his true feelings about you. It could result in him finding out what he is losing is a prize, a bride he could be proud to have. It could be that he realizes that his true feeling is that he does not want to be married, doesn't really want kids.

It could be that he realizes what he wants is five more years of this pseudo-marriage because he has all the comforts of a marriage and none of the responsibilities. Then after those five years? Let's have five more.

What I think has occurred is you are finding out that marriage is important to you and it is not important to him.

Your emotional connection to him is stronger than his is to you. So you are hoping that a stronger connection can be forged by marriage. You also fear that any strategy to get him to commit will drive him away.

This is why I think you need to step back, and you be the one to establish your needs. That this pseudo-marriage no longer works for you. You either have to go to another level, or move out.