08-31-2011, 10:31 AM
Join Date: Aug 2011
| | Re: Yet another broken heart.
Lon so sorry for what you've been through.
Originally Posted by Lon
Sorry you are dealing with this Audio. I too am the person that is inclined to believe my spouse, I trusted her wholeheartedly and never would have conceived the idea of her betraying that trust, but yet she did. And when evidence inevitably started surfacing she only allowed little bits of the truth to trickle out, but in my case she was so deep in it she wasn't willing to even look back. Between my denial and her "shame" (which she still can't face) it prevented us from being able to get at the issue.
The reason I'm telling you this is to prepare you for the possibility of "trickle truth" because if/when you find out bit by bit that an affair is deeper than you were told, each time it will take another huge bite out of whatever trust you have left. You need to get to the bottom of this for your own sanity and at this point you can't trust any words that come from your H's, or your "friend's" mouths.
Ask yourself how long does it usually take for him to drive her home? You say he has driven her home often and obviously the attraction must have been there between them for awhile so why trust that only a kiss happened this last time, it very well may go so much deeper, and you could also be in a deep denial. You are warranted to do some investigating if you have any chance of cutting them off from each other - you need him to go no contact with her and you should write her out of your life because she is an enemy to your marriage.
If you do find it goes deeper, then you have some soul searching to do to decide if you can even life with this without feeling like you had to settle, and without feeling like second best. Best of luck to you and for your sake I hope your H was telling the truth and that you can nip this in the bud and fix your M.
The term trickle truth is very, very true and not one I've heard before but a perfect description. He started off denying it all together, then blamed solely her and then finally told the truth (or who knows, part of it?)
He's admitted clearly and over and over again since coming "clean" that he only lied because he was scared of my reaction, didn't want to do deal with the fallout and the two of them between themselves thought they could "cover it up".
Question is how do I know it's the whole truth? I've considered lie detectors and he's agreed to do as many as I want in a heartbeat but I know they're not fool proof. He's in an absolute state. Looks like a wreck, isn't eating or sleeping and is functioning for his clients and business but that's about it. He keeps saying "sorry" - I HATE that word! And he keeps assuring me that he will do whatever it takes and begging me to trust him just once more. I'm just so hurt, so so hurt. My friend has categorically told me that she doesn't want to know anymore. She feels she needs to protect herself and her child and has walked away from the entire situation so I can't even quiz her further although the final truth that I now know is what they're both saying happened.