demora

Trust is so fragile. When my husband and I were first dating, I found out that he was planning to go out to a Nascar race with a woman who supposedly worked for his favorite driver. Things were more complicated between the two fo them then that, but let's just say it hurt me, very badly and it almost ended our relationship.

To this day, he still talks to other people - men and women - on the computer and sometimes I get...jealous for lack of a better word because of the history with this woman and his online relationship with her. He talks to women all the time that tell him they want to get to know both of us and be our friend. They message me once and I never hear from them again, but beyond that I have to chose to trust him. I have to make a concerted effort to trust that he's not doing something behind my back. I know that he loves me and he wouldn't want to lose me. And because he doesn't want to lose me, he's not going to be deceptive anymore.

You asked if if you ever get tired of talking about it. He's said he's sorry and to keep bringing it up and hashing it out is not allowing you to move through it and start to rebuild your trust.

There is no magic fix for a trust that is betrayed, except to offer your trust again if that is what you really want.

My husband changed his online nickname, closed down that email account and everything that I asked him to do after I found out about that woman. Once he did that, and was sincerely sorry, I had to let it go so we could move on with our lives and leave that part in the past.

I wish I could tell you that once you accept what happened and accept his apology that it never creeps back into your mind, but it does, and you have to be honest with him about it, but not to the point of reliving it all the time. It's going to be doubly hard because of his travel, but you have to decide how you can handle that and the bruised trust. What will it take for you to trust him while he's out on the road? What can he do to help you see that he's not going to mess up again? These are things that should be answered so the healing can begin and continue even through his travel.

Something else to remember is that we are all human. We all make mistakes and some of us repeat them time and time again. Some of us only make the mistake once and learn from it. What level of commitment is he looking for from you? You from him? Do they mesh?

I wish you the best. It's not an easy journey, but if there is truely love there on both sides, it's worth it.