A little history: My husband works out of state and lives on the site where he works. It's a man camp...except that two women work and live there, too - the boss' wife and his buddy's wife. He lives there for 6 weeks at a time then comes home for 2 weeks.
The last time he came home, he invited one of his co-workers (I'll call him Mark) and Mark's wife (I'll call her Mary), who is also his co-worker, to come to our house for a mini-vacation (for them). We live approximately 18 hours from his work compound, so this wasn't just a weekend drive for them. He arrived home on Thursday, told me they were coming, and they arrived Saturday. I got no say in the matter as he had already invited them and they were on their way when he told me. Needless to say, I was angry because he already spends 6 weeks at a time with his co-workers and he should be coming home for family time, not party time with co-workers! I let my feelings be known to him but was a gracious hostess to his friends (whom I had never met).
Due to a past infidelity on his part in our marriage, I tend to cautiously watch him interact with other women. When Mark and Mary were at our home for a week I saw NOTHING suspicious between them. At all. No sideways glances, no giggling, no flirting. Nothing. She turned out to be a very nice girl. (I say girl because she is 30, her husband 27, my husband 52 and I am 48.)
While his company was at our house, he was a very good host: while I spent my day at work (it was too short of notice to request time off) he took them camping, to the lake, and took them to our local summer festival. I would prepare dinner and have everything ready by 7 p.m. but they wouldn't arrive home until after 9 p.m., when I was getting ready for bed. So generally, I would grab a sandwich and they would grill and enjoy the meal I prepared and then sit up drinking and visiting all night, sometimes until 1:00 in the morning.
When his guests left and he was alone during the day, while I worked spent his time at the local tavern. I would come home from work, find him already sauced, I would make dinner, and he would eat and be in bed no later than 7 p.m. Quite a difference from when his guests were here but he is normally an early-to-bed, early-to-rise type of person. Something was nagging inside of me, though, so when he was in the shower one evening, I checked his messages and this is what I found:
Him: Do you miss me yet?
Mary: Of course
Him: I miss you too, ur a true friend
And another exchange:
Him: I just had a Jagerbomb (For the record, he NEVER drinks Jagermeister (says he hates it) but, while Mark and Mary were at our house, however, I did find out that Jagerbombs are her "signature" drink.)
Mary: Haha...Oh really?
Him: Oh ya!!!
While they were at our local summer festival, they attended a rodeo at which he must have snapped a picture of the back side of a bull with very large testicles. In this exchange he sent her a picture of the bull's testicles:
Mary: Hey that looks familiar
Him: It was that bull...****ing huge!
I thought it was extremely inappropriate for him to send that to her but not all that uncommon for people in their work profession to exchange raunchy pictures so I checked to see if he sent the same email to her husband or any of his other work buddies. Nope. She was the only recipient of the pic of the bull testicles and she was the only one he asked "do you miss me yet?".
That made me wonder...so I checked text usage on our cell phone provider website and came to realize that Mary is the main person he texts with...far more so than her husband, his friend, and me, his wife. It's pretty even as far as who initiates the texts. And the texting goes on sporadically all day long, up to 30 texts per day.
1) He rarely texts with me because his "fingers don't find the right letters" and "it takes too long".
2) I don't want to be rude, but my husband is overweight, has poor hygiene, and is not a physically attractive person so I don't get the feeling that she is interested in him in that sense (her husband is a very nice looking man in great physical shape). When they were visiting, we had a couple of minutes alone and she did mention that she likes working in their profession because she "gets along great with guys because there's no drama" and that her "best friends have always been guys" and she very pointedly said she would never have an affair with an older guy - because it would be like sleeping with someone her dad's age! Again, her husband is very attractive and younger than her. HOWEVER, my husband is also a really great, fun loving guy. He is an ideal party pal! He is the guy that will always pick up the tab, will always put on the party, will always put his friends before any other priority. He is a shi**y husband, mediocre father, but a great friend.
3) I don't get the feeling that she is pursuing him, but I get a very strong feeling that he is crushing on her. Although he's not physically attractive, he can be quite a charmer (hence, why I married him).
I guess I just needed to get this out. I think his texts are completely inappropriate for a married man to be sending to a married woman. I think he's fishing...enjoying the attention and seeing what he can get out of it. I think she really does just think of him as a friend...but not sure. Either way, I don't think it's headed in the right direction and I've been here before about 4 years ago and don't want to go through this again. Do I just get out? Talk to him? Demand he stop texting her? Tell her husband to have his wife stop texting my husband? I know him...he will deny anything inappropriate and say that they're just friends, that I'm paranoid, etc.
Any comments? Suggestions?
The last time he came home, he invited one of his co-workers (I'll call him Mark) and Mark's wife (I'll call her Mary), who is also his co-worker, to come to our house for a mini-vacation (for them). We live approximately 18 hours from his work compound, so this wasn't just a weekend drive for them. He arrived home on Thursday, told me they were coming, and they arrived Saturday. I got no say in the matter as he had already invited them and they were on their way when he told me. Needless to say, I was angry because he already spends 6 weeks at a time with his co-workers and he should be coming home for family time, not party time with co-workers! I let my feelings be known to him but was a gracious hostess to his friends (whom I had never met).
Due to a past infidelity on his part in our marriage, I tend to cautiously watch him interact with other women. When Mark and Mary were at our home for a week I saw NOTHING suspicious between them. At all. No sideways glances, no giggling, no flirting. Nothing. She turned out to be a very nice girl. (I say girl because she is 30, her husband 27, my husband 52 and I am 48.)
While his company was at our house, he was a very good host: while I spent my day at work (it was too short of notice to request time off) he took them camping, to the lake, and took them to our local summer festival. I would prepare dinner and have everything ready by 7 p.m. but they wouldn't arrive home until after 9 p.m., when I was getting ready for bed. So generally, I would grab a sandwich and they would grill and enjoy the meal I prepared and then sit up drinking and visiting all night, sometimes until 1:00 in the morning.
When his guests left and he was alone during the day, while I worked spent his time at the local tavern. I would come home from work, find him already sauced, I would make dinner, and he would eat and be in bed no later than 7 p.m. Quite a difference from when his guests were here but he is normally an early-to-bed, early-to-rise type of person. Something was nagging inside of me, though, so when he was in the shower one evening, I checked his messages and this is what I found:
Him: Do you miss me yet?
Mary: Of course
Him: I miss you too, ur a true friend
And another exchange:
Him: I just had a Jagerbomb (For the record, he NEVER drinks Jagermeister (says he hates it) but, while Mark and Mary were at our house, however, I did find out that Jagerbombs are her "signature" drink.)
Mary: Haha...Oh really?
Him: Oh ya!!!
While they were at our local summer festival, they attended a rodeo at which he must have snapped a picture of the back side of a bull with very large testicles. In this exchange he sent her a picture of the bull's testicles:
Mary: Hey that looks familiar
Him: It was that bull...****ing huge!
I thought it was extremely inappropriate for him to send that to her but not all that uncommon for people in their work profession to exchange raunchy pictures so I checked to see if he sent the same email to her husband or any of his other work buddies. Nope. She was the only recipient of the pic of the bull testicles and she was the only one he asked "do you miss me yet?".
That made me wonder...so I checked text usage on our cell phone provider website and came to realize that Mary is the main person he texts with...far more so than her husband, his friend, and me, his wife. It's pretty even as far as who initiates the texts. And the texting goes on sporadically all day long, up to 30 texts per day.
1) He rarely texts with me because his "fingers don't find the right letters" and "it takes too long".
2) I don't want to be rude, but my husband is overweight, has poor hygiene, and is not a physically attractive person so I don't get the feeling that she is interested in him in that sense (her husband is a very nice looking man in great physical shape). When they were visiting, we had a couple of minutes alone and she did mention that she likes working in their profession because she "gets along great with guys because there's no drama" and that her "best friends have always been guys" and she very pointedly said she would never have an affair with an older guy - because it would be like sleeping with someone her dad's age! Again, her husband is very attractive and younger than her. HOWEVER, my husband is also a really great, fun loving guy. He is an ideal party pal! He is the guy that will always pick up the tab, will always put on the party, will always put his friends before any other priority. He is a shi**y husband, mediocre father, but a great friend.
3) I don't get the feeling that she is pursuing him, but I get a very strong feeling that he is crushing on her. Although he's not physically attractive, he can be quite a charmer (hence, why I married him).
I guess I just needed to get this out. I think his texts are completely inappropriate for a married man to be sending to a married woman. I think he's fishing...enjoying the attention and seeing what he can get out of it. I think she really does just think of him as a friend...but not sure. Either way, I don't think it's headed in the right direction and I've been here before about 4 years ago and don't want to go through this again. Do I just get out? Talk to him? Demand he stop texting her? Tell her husband to have his wife stop texting my husband? I know him...he will deny anything inappropriate and say that they're just friends, that I'm paranoid, etc.
Any comments? Suggestions?