Originally Posted by MEM11363
Sexual deceit is likely the most common type of blatant chronic deception/lying in modern American marriages.
I really had no idea exactly where my W was mentally/emotionally the night she said to me "out of the blue", that and this is a direct quote: "she could not imagine having to have sex with me for another 15-20 years".
I thought she liked having sex with me. Really. And we have always had what "for me" was a good/great sex life. So I was astonished by her remarks. I slept on it for a night and then in the interest of fairness I was totally honest with her. Told her celibacy was a non-starter for me. Preserving the marriage was my primary goal. Pressuring her for sex was not acceptable to me either. So I told her I would find a playmate and remove all pressure for her to have sex with me.
I have a whole long thread on this. The summary of this "event" was that she realized her desire for me to NOT have sexual contact with another woman was FAR greater than her desire NOT to have sex with me. But that was her decision to make, not mine.
This was neither easy nor painless for either of us. Then again I have a very simple view of this. It is not acceptable for either person to say "I don't want you but no one else can have you".
I don't get preserving the marriage at all costs. She doesn't want sex? Divorce. I know I should have done it years ago instead of "preserving" my marriage.
Worst mistake I ever made. Well that and saying I do.
I think people get so wrapped up in keeping the family together that they fail to notice that the kids aren't fools and know what is going on.