Thank you for your reply, dhpoolman. Fact is, leaving was by far the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I wasn't physically abused, I wasn't even emotionally abused, and no, until recently I don't think he ever laid with another woman. But through counseling (and issues we both brought to the marriage that I won't go into here) I've come to recognize that I was exhausted, so exhausted that I just needed out. And I kept coming back here and reading the pain and emotions of people who had been left and I really did reach a point where I was ready to re-evaluate my choice. But he was stuck in his pain and still is. Stuck in the past and still is. Not just our past, and attempts to separate but overall in life.
Our IC tells me that the marriage was killing me. That the best choice I ever made in my life was to stop the bad cycle. That's very hard to hear. Because I believed that we had a chance to circle back. Until tonight.
And your last line, that's as priceless as my brother's milk quotation (see my other recent post). You should write gift cards