...that is probably the part I am having trouble getting over.
The reality may be a combination of her getting more comfortable with how her body works and improved confidence as well as me improving my technique. Either way, thanks for all the feedback as I feel a bit more comfortable just letting it go.[/QUOTE]
Maybe I should clarify. Yes, with a good lover I can get off, but please remember that getting off isn't a big deal to me. It sounds like you're using her orgasm to gauge whether or not you're a good lover? Or at least this thought is in the back of your mind bothering you?
So, to clarify: a big reason of why I can orgasm when I have a good connection with a good lover has everything to do with my personal comfort with my own sexuality and my body. I love sex, I embrace it, I don't have issues holding me back regarding power, control, guilt, etc., I have not been molested or abused. There are many things that can cause a woman to have issues with sex and detatch from it - this is something about THEM that will make it so they cannot enjoy it as much. You mentioned control - that can be a big one and it can also be tied to trust, deep down.
I attribute my ability to orgasm in the right circumstance to be a trait of MINE. It's similar to love: some people can have the most caring friend or loving spouse, but their ability to love back is a a trait of theirs, not the friend or spouse. Does this make sense? I have the ability to give myself freely and completely to the experience of sexual pleasure, therefore when the right circumstance is there (a good connection with a good lover), I'm "ripe" and ready to be brought to orgasm.
Ooh, all this talk makes me want to call the hubby.