Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - When does counseling start to make you feel different?

inneedof · 09-09-2011, 01:17 PM

I read a lot on here. I don't have a good understanding of what has caused the change in me...many, many things piled up and it almost seems to have taken on a life of its own over the last 18 months...going from my blaming him for not being there to blaming myself for wanting more, but it is definitely there now. We have been married for almost 17 years. We have made smart, prudent choices all of our married lives. We have never been "passionate" about each other, but certainly have placed our family first in our lives and had love there. Two great kids. And I would never have thought I would even allow myself to consider divorce...but that is where I am at. I have been in counseling indvidually for 3 months, and together in MC for 1 month. The Counselor says we both have a lot of anxiety ... yeah of course...and it is getting worse. I guess I hoped that there was some magic fix to make us feel closer or better. But truthfully, I feel no change and see neither of us making progress - not that saying "thank you" more often isn't nice, it is just not enough. Neither is telling us to communicate, when neither of us knows what to say. I have read book and the counselor even suggested "Too good to leave, and too bad to stay." That one still leaves me in limbo. Anyone have some insight on how counseling should work ... maybe this isn't right for us.

09-09-2011, 01:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
inneedof Registered User Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 4	When does counseling start to make you feel different? I read a lot on here. I don't have a good understanding of what has caused the change in me...many, many things piled up and it almost seems to have taken on a life of its own over the last 18 months...going from my blaming him for not being there to blaming myself for wanting more, but it is definitely there now. We have been married for almost 17 years. We have made smart, prudent choices all of our married lives. We have never been "passionate" about each other, but certainly have placed our family first in our lives and had love there. Two great kids. And I would never have thought I would even allow myself to consider divorce...but that is where I am at. I have been in counseling indvidually for 3 months, and together in MC for 1 month. The Counselor says we both have a lot of anxiety ... yeah of course...and it is getting worse. I guess I hoped that there was some magic fix to make us feel closer or better. But truthfully, I feel no change and see neither of us making progress - not that saying "thank you" more often isn't nice, it is just not enough. Neither is telling us to communicate, when neither of us knows what to say. I have read book and the counselor even suggested "Too good to leave, and too bad to stay." That one still leaves me in limbo. Anyone have some insight on how counseling should work ... maybe this isn't right for us.