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bhappy3 · 02-04-2008, 10:43 AM

I'm new here and sought it out for help. We've seen a doctor for this about four times and neither of us feel like he's helping at all.

We've been married eight and a half years and been together for over 13. Sex has always been an issue for us, but the longer we're together, the more it's becoming more of an issue. The problem is that almost every time I would approach him for sex he would deny me. And perhaps he would only deny me for 20 minutes, but nonetheless he somehow indicated he was not interested. Almost like a mind game or a dominance issue... he would do it when he was ready, not when I wanted it. And it always seemed the more I wanted it, the quicker he was to deny, and that hurt even more. As time went on, this ate away at me. For a me to be denied sex was offensive. And the more he would do it, the more I would be crushed. I would curl up in the fetal position and just cry my eyes out. The pain was actually physical. I knew this would happen eventually... I finally gave up after telling him over and over and over again that I would one day stop trying to initiate it. And now I have. I absolutely will not come to him for sex. I am almost 32 years old, 5'7", 130#, and supposed to be in my sexual prime. I want sex physically, but would rather deal with the desires within than risk being denied again. I associate excruciating pain with sexual desire and thus suppress my urges.

He's a great man, we have a great relationship other than the sex. He is aware of the issue and is trying to work on it, but I wonder if I'm too far gone to pull out of it. He initiates sex, but I just don't have the mental desire to be with him, or anyone. He says that we both have to work on this and that I'll have to start letting him know that I want it. I CANNOT do that!! He does not understand the pain I've endured!!! I feel like we're at a standstill and I don't know how to pull out of this.

He was raised very religious and I think it is backfiring. He is not the typical man that thinks about sex all the time. I often have said that if he never had sex again he wouldn't care. There is almost nothing I can do to get him really turned on. Hell, one night he was watching TV and I walked right up to him and physically offered him oral. HE DENIED IT b/c he "wasn't prepared". WTF does that mean?? He was showered, the kid was in bed, what more is there??

I must say that I'm not your typical female who always has a headache either. I do have a desire for sex and I used to want to be a good wife and keep her husband happy. Now I'm broken. Please... is there anyone who can help??

02-04-2008, 10:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
bhappy3 Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 156	marriage sex issues I'm new here and sought it out for help. We've seen a doctor for this about four times and neither of us feel like he's helping at all. We've been married eight and a half years and been together for over 13. Sex has always been an issue for us, but the longer we're together, the more it's becoming more of an issue. The problem is that almost every time I would approach him for sex he would deny me. And perhaps he would only deny me for 20 minutes, but nonetheless he somehow indicated he was not interested. Almost like a mind game or a dominance issue... he would do it when he was ready, not when I wanted it. And it always seemed the more I wanted it, the quicker he was to deny, and that hurt even more. As time went on, this ate away at me. For a me to be denied sex was offensive. And the more he would do it, the more I would be crushed. I would curl up in the fetal position and just cry my eyes out. The pain was actually physical. I knew this would happen eventually... I finally gave up after telling him over and over and over again that I would one day stop trying to initiate it. And now I have. I absolutely will not come to him for sex. I am almost 32 years old, 5'7", 130#, and supposed to be in my sexual prime. I want sex physically, but would rather deal with the desires within than risk being denied again. I associate excruciating pain with sexual desire and thus suppress my urges. He's a great man, we have a great relationship other than the sex. He is aware of the issue and is trying to work on it, but I wonder if I'm too far gone to pull out of it. He initiates sex, but I just don't have the mental desire to be with him, or anyone. He says that we both have to work on this and that I'll have to start letting him know that I want it. I CANNOT do that!! He does not understand the pain I've endured!!! I feel like we're at a standstill and I don't know how to pull out of this. He was raised very religious and I think it is backfiring. He is not the typical man that thinks about sex all the time. I often have said that if he never had sex again he wouldn't care. There is almost nothing I can do to get him really turned on. Hell, one night he was watching TV and I walked right up to him and physically offered him oral. HE DENIED IT b/c he "wasn't prepared". WTF does that mean?? He was showered, the kid was in bed, what more is there?? I must say that I'm not your typical female who always has a headache either. I do have a desire for sex and I used to want to be a good wife and keep her husband happy. Now I'm broken. Please... is there anyone who can help?? __________________ :