Hello,
I am looking for some help and some external point of view as I am very down...
My wife is christian and I am buddhist. When we met 8 years ago, and none of us was deeply religious.
Since January this year, my wife met another woman who is an evangelical christian. She started to attend church with her new friend and very quickly went very deeply in this religious revival. She started lecturing me and tried to convert me; I was listening patiently (most of the time!), but I was not interested.
The TV started to be tuned to god channel and the likes. Christianity invaded our household day and night. Everything, big or small, was either the mark of god or of the devil. Bad weather, murders reported on TV, every piece of news was a sign of the end of times. To my opinion, she became negative, arrogant in her faith, blind to simple explanations of "miracles" and above all absolutist. She detained the Truth, it's not that she was believing in something, or that she believed she knew the truth, she was simply assessing (quite vehemently by the way) "this is the Truth and everything else is false".
Over the years, on my side, I also went more deeply into buddhism, although it is was a much slower process for me. Shortly after my wife became fanatically, I started to attend a vihara (theravada buddhist place of service). I also on my side went deeper into my faith.
We have a lovely daughter who is 6 years old now. My wife bought some books for her, and I had no problem reading these little christian books to her. I believe in freedom, and I always thought that our daugter would learn from both of us and make her own choice later in life.
My wife decided to attend a chrisian seminar this week-end, which means that I will have to look after our daughter this week-end. Yesterday we had a benign telephone conversation, and I mentioned that I will bring our daughter to the vihara. 5 minutes later, I called her for some other things, and she told me that she wouldn't like that I bring our daughter there.
That was a shock to me. I always considered obvious that, being a buddhist, it would only be natural for me to talk to my daughter about it. I felt it was intolerant from her to say that to me... I think for all these months I just closed my mind to the fact that my wife was becoming more and more intolerant and close minded, and this simple phrase opened my eyes in quite a brutal way.
That evening, I brought the subject back after her daughter was fast asleep. She tells me that I am the father of the child, so I can teach her my religion if I wish, but that would bring her to hell. Myself I would go to hell if don't give my life to Jesus. This is the Truth, etc. etc. I then said that I think that in a couple with 2 different religions, each parent is free to teach the child about his/her faith, and then the child is free to chose whatever he/she wants later on in life. She didn't like that and told me that god will anyway bring her child back.
I now feel very stressed and distressed... I thought about it the whole day, and honestly, I can't think of living the rest of my whole life in such a relationship. The biggest problem to me is her absolutism: "this is the Truth". It closes any discussion, and closes minds. I feel like she is on a high pedestal lecturing me, I feel we are not equal footed. I reckognise her legitimacy to believe what she believes, but I feel she is not giving me the same. Being equal is fundamental in a couple... But at least there is still some sort of respect.
We are searching for a 2nd child for a few years now, but she has some fertility problems. Now, I don't think I want anymore children with her...
If it was not for our daughter, I would seriously think about divorcing... I love my daughter so much, divorcing now would break her, I would be ready to endure a few more years for her...
I would appreciate your comments, as I am very much confused, I don't know what to do or what to think... Am I making a fuss about it, or am I right to feel so stressed and desperate? Would it be unfair to tell my wife I don't want children anymore?
Thank you so much for your help, and sorry for the length of the post!
I am looking for some help and some external point of view as I am very down...
My wife is christian and I am buddhist. When we met 8 years ago, and none of us was deeply religious.
Since January this year, my wife met another woman who is an evangelical christian. She started to attend church with her new friend and very quickly went very deeply in this religious revival. She started lecturing me and tried to convert me; I was listening patiently (most of the time!), but I was not interested.
The TV started to be tuned to god channel and the likes. Christianity invaded our household day and night. Everything, big or small, was either the mark of god or of the devil. Bad weather, murders reported on TV, every piece of news was a sign of the end of times. To my opinion, she became negative, arrogant in her faith, blind to simple explanations of "miracles" and above all absolutist. She detained the Truth, it's not that she was believing in something, or that she believed she knew the truth, she was simply assessing (quite vehemently by the way) "this is the Truth and everything else is false".
Over the years, on my side, I also went more deeply into buddhism, although it is was a much slower process for me. Shortly after my wife became fanatically, I started to attend a vihara (theravada buddhist place of service). I also on my side went deeper into my faith.
We have a lovely daughter who is 6 years old now. My wife bought some books for her, and I had no problem reading these little christian books to her. I believe in freedom, and I always thought that our daugter would learn from both of us and make her own choice later in life.
My wife decided to attend a chrisian seminar this week-end, which means that I will have to look after our daughter this week-end. Yesterday we had a benign telephone conversation, and I mentioned that I will bring our daughter to the vihara. 5 minutes later, I called her for some other things, and she told me that she wouldn't like that I bring our daughter there.
That was a shock to me. I always considered obvious that, being a buddhist, it would only be natural for me to talk to my daughter about it. I felt it was intolerant from her to say that to me... I think for all these months I just closed my mind to the fact that my wife was becoming more and more intolerant and close minded, and this simple phrase opened my eyes in quite a brutal way.
That evening, I brought the subject back after her daughter was fast asleep. She tells me that I am the father of the child, so I can teach her my religion if I wish, but that would bring her to hell. Myself I would go to hell if don't give my life to Jesus. This is the Truth, etc. etc. I then said that I think that in a couple with 2 different religions, each parent is free to teach the child about his/her faith, and then the child is free to chose whatever he/she wants later on in life. She didn't like that and told me that god will anyway bring her child back.
I now feel very stressed and distressed... I thought about it the whole day, and honestly, I can't think of living the rest of my whole life in such a relationship. The biggest problem to me is her absolutism: "this is the Truth". It closes any discussion, and closes minds. I feel like she is on a high pedestal lecturing me, I feel we are not equal footed. I reckognise her legitimacy to believe what she believes, but I feel she is not giving me the same. Being equal is fundamental in a couple... But at least there is still some sort of respect.
We are searching for a 2nd child for a few years now, but she has some fertility problems. Now, I don't think I want anymore children with her...
If it was not for our daughter, I would seriously think about divorcing... I love my daughter so much, divorcing now would break her, I would be ready to endure a few more years for her...
I would appreciate your comments, as I am very much confused, I don't know what to do or what to think... Am I making a fuss about it, or am I right to feel so stressed and desperate? Would it be unfair to tell my wife I don't want children anymore?
Thank you so much for your help, and sorry for the length of the post!