Ames, welcome to the TAM forum. The behavior you describe -- lack of impulse control (e.g., drug habit), inappropriate anger, temper tantrums, verbal abuse, physical abuse (throwing things at you), and rapid flipping between loving and hating you -- are some of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). If your H is a BPDer (i.e., has strong BPD traits), he is throwing tantrums like a spoiled child because his emotional development stopped at about age four.
Significantly, only a professional can determine whether his traits are so persistent and severe as to meet 100% of the diagnostic threshold for having full-blown BPD. Yet, even when the traits fall well short of that level, they can make your life -- and the lives of your children -- miserable. Moreover, spotting the red flags for such traits is not difficult because there is nothing subtle about behavior such as verbal abuse, temper tantrums, and the inability to trust. Hence, given what is at stake (your children's welfare), I believe it will be worth your while to read a bit about BPD traits to see if they sound familiar.
An easy place to start is with my posts in Berilo's thread at
Distressed. Another description of BPD traits is available in my posts on Blacksmith's thread at
Complicated Marriage Dynamic. If those discussions ring a bell, I would be glad to discuss them with you and point you to good online resources. In any event, I believe it would be prudent to visit a clinical psychologist -- for at least a session or two on your own -- to get a professional opinion as to what you are dealing with. Take care, Ames.
