Gabriel

Jesus, I think it's time for your W to man up here. She needs to talk to the SIL and your brother herself. They are sooooo convinced they are in love that they are trying to make that happen! Your words have no power to them.

This is what they are thinking..."jeez, it really sounds like they were meant to be together. W and CB have been having problems. We feel bad for her - she hasn't been taken out to dinner in 6 months, CB doesn't ever even take a day off to be with her. You, know, look at the determination of this guy - it just seems like it was always meant to be. CB should just do the right thing and let her go, it's so obvious she'd rather be with OM."

Of course, part of this thinking is because they are doing nothing but hearing the OM's sob story.

Here's my advice. Let go. I'm not saying dump her. I'm saying, take your hands off the steering wheel and tell her you won't stand for this drama anymore. It is wrecking your life as you know it. Tell her it's all in her control to make this go away. Because you can't. Tell her you love her and you hope she ultimately chooses you and your marriage. Then release. See if she heavy lifts to end this nonsense. It's ridiculous now, like a bunch of 16 year olds. Her putting her head in the sand, refusing to talk to anyone is not facing the reality that SHE has created. The reality that is ruining all of you, and all of your relationships. They all need to grow up, get out of high school, and deal with this one way or another.