Originally Posted by Shamwow

Probably not worth posting, just feeling down and kinda empty today. This last week has taken a toll on Mk II. Everything is a struggle, I reluctantly agreed to go watch the football game with a buddy of mine. It was fun and I kept pretty casual, but I keep thinking about her. Now that the tsunami of anger has subsided, I'm back to just missing my wife, and my life (as I thought it was). Not healthy to dwell on it, trying not to, gym didn't even seem to help today. So now I'm down the street from my new apt at a pub by myself, seeing if a martini will help. Methinks it won't, but this may be one day where I give in to the loneliness and just let it roll over me.

W cancelled today for me coming by to clear out some stuff from the basement and straighten up what's left for house showing. She's been throwing up all day (hasn't been taking nausea meds the doc gave her last week), says she isn't up to going through things. Why does this make me sad? I'm not *supposed* to want to see her. But I guess I do. Can't get sucked back in, especially since she has given no real indication that she wants to suck me back in. Any responses from me have been Mk II, but in my mind I know I'm just pretending today.

WEAK today. Probably for the best I don't see her, need to take some time to steel up again, get my head on straight, and ride the wave before I put myself in any position to damage my progress. So used to feeling in charge, today i just feel lonely, even though I'm currently surrounded by dozens of people. Guess the contact this last week has thrown me for a loop.

I know R is a hopeless cause, but I'm dreaming today I guess, the dream is that she lays it all out there and wants me back. Not worth my time to even entertain this fantasy, given the circumstances. This is the hardest day I've had in weeks. Just venting, I'll be okay. Maybe not till tomorrow though.
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