Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

omega · 10-05-2011, 03:00 PM

I had anger issues before and when I got married. After about a year of marriage, the anger issues are about 95% resolved. I still get the boiling-up anger feeling sometimes, but haven't since I think April.

If I had to say what "fixed" it, it would be a combination of things:

- H and I came up with a funny word that I could say when I felt that I was starting to get angry and he would make sweet funny faces at me (I swear to God this actually was the thing that worked the best - he is so freaking adorable that it always made me melt, no matter how angry I would have been otherwise - sounds dumb, I know... but this was a miracle for me)

- we moved to a very, very, VERY relaxing new area (sea, sand, beautiful sunsets, walk everywhere) and I didn't work for a year. That helped me relax. I returned to basics. Made my own bread, washed the laundry by hand (no machine), spent TONS of time together.

- the passage of time in a really great marriage. I had low self esteem and was very insecure when we got married. I had a sense of "I hope he doesn't realize that he deserves better than me..." for a long time. But after seeing him be a really awesome husband for a while, I started to feel a lot more secure and to get more self esteem (a lot more). This really helped take the anger down a few notches.

When we first got married, I had a stressful job where I was on call literally 24/7, low selfesteem and insecure, and living in a city of 6 million people. Plus I had no coping strategies for dealing with anger. I would blow up at my fiance/new husband a few times/week. It was so bad that he suggested I go to a psychologist and I wanted to, unfortunately around that time was when we moved out of the city and there were no psychologists in our new area - but in the end I didn't need one, after all.

Now, like I said, I haven't gotten mad at him in over six months, and I feel much more "chill" in general about everything. Not to mention I have adopted his "eh, who cares" attitude about a lot of things that REALLY used to bother me.

10-05-2011, 03:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
omega Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 562	Re: Anger and Marriage I had anger issues before and when I got married. After about a year of marriage, the anger issues are about 95% resolved. I still get the boiling-up anger feeling sometimes, but haven't since I think April. If I had to say what "fixed" it, it would be a combination of things: - H and I came up with a funny word that I could say when I felt that I was starting to get angry and he would make sweet funny faces at me (I swear to God this actually was the thing that worked the best - he is so freaking adorable that it always made me melt, no matter how angry I would have been otherwise - sounds dumb, I know... but this was a miracle for me) - we moved to a very, very, VERY relaxing new area (sea, sand, beautiful sunsets, walk everywhere) and I didn't work for a year. That helped me relax. I returned to basics. Made my own bread, washed the laundry by hand (no machine), spent TONS of time together. - the passage of time in a really great marriage. I had low self esteem and was very insecure when we got married. I had a sense of "I hope he doesn't realize that he deserves better than me..." for a long time. But after seeing him be a really awesome husband for a while, I started to feel a lot more secure and to get more self esteem (a lot more). This really helped take the anger down a few notches. When we first got married, I had a stressful job where I was on call literally 24/7, low selfesteem and insecure, and living in a city of 6 million people. Plus I had no coping strategies for dealing with anger. I would blow up at my fiance/new husband a few times/week. It was so bad that he suggested I go to a psychologist and I wanted to, unfortunately around that time was when we moved out of the city and there were no psychologists in our new area - but in the end I didn't need one, after all. Now, like I said, I haven't gotten mad at him in over six months, and I feel much more "chill" in general about everything. Not to mention I have adopted his "eh, who cares" attitude about a lot of things that REALLY used to bother me.