| | Re: Anger and Marriage
In my husband's case it was depression brought on by the terrible discovery that his son from his first wife had been abused, probably for years in the boy's mother's home. It brought up issues from his own childhood in addition to the feeling of not having protected his son so the depression was natural. What I didn't know while he was seemingly pulling back from everything was that depression can manifest as anger. It took years for me to think to take him to a doctor over it and he was immediately diagnosed. Then came his shame at the diagnosis (not sure why...I don't feel it's something to be ashamed of) and his fear of getting help to deal with it. And me as the closest person, I took the brunt. And now, we are left with all of that plus the fallout from the anger itself so it's complicated. And I am trying to be supportive while still taking care of myself, and that's a balance I've struggled with for years. I tried for too long to try to "fix" him and sure enough, that didn't work. I don't recommend trying that. LOL Finally, over 5 years after this began, I'm seeing signs that he truly understands and wants to change the patterns that are in place. I am grateful, and your post was very timely. The changes I'm seeing just started this past week, and it's so very different than any other time that I'm finally starting to feel hopeful.